Monday 2 November 2015

ANOTHER PLACE; ANOTHER TIME - Cont'd

Watching her leave was probably one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I wanted to drag her back and kiss her thoroughly again, but I didn’t want her to feel cornered into spending the night with me, it had to be her own decision. I walked into my room, checked my phone, saw missed calls from Anna, and immediately rang her back. I apologized for not taking her calls earlier and told her I was meeting with my company’s rep at the lounge and decided to have a few drinks. Little did I know that that would be the beginning of weeks of lying.

It seemed like eons while I waited for Tina to return. I glanced at my wristwatch every few seconds and listened intently for activities coming from outside my door. Sitting at the side of the bed, I pulled off my loafers, grabbed the TV remote from the bedside table and flicked on the TV. I turned down the volume and reached for a can of beer from the mini bar. Just then there was a gentle knock on my door, I dropped the can on the dresser and walked across the room to open the door. There she was, face washed clean of makeup, in pajama bottoms, a tank top and a robe hanging open. I smiled and let her in. I hugged her to me as soon as I shut the door and drank in the fresh scent of vanilla and I figured she must have had a shower. Immediately, I felt bad that I hadn’t bothered with a wash.

We sat down side by side on the bed, and I handed her a fizzy drink while we munched on some gummy bears and shared a chocolate bar from the minibar. Tracks from Songs of Innocence, the latest U2’s album were playing quietly from the iTunes folder on my laptop that was on the reading table. We shared some jokes and she got up to make this really cute imitation at the way our boss walks that got me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. That’s typical of Tina, she always knew how to make me laugh. Out of the blue I blurted out “so tell me about any guys in your life that I should be jealous of” immediately I said it I almost regretted it. Half of me was hoping she would say she was seeing someone, maybe it will make the guilt I felt slightly bearable. And the other half of me cringed at another guy laughing at her jokes, being amused by her goofiness and worst, touching her in ways I desperately wanted to.  

Somewhat to my relief, she took a sip from her soda can with her other hand on her hips as she answered casually. “Well there’s Tunji or rather there was” she said and left it at that. My curiosity got the best of me and I prodded “so what happened there?” so she grudgingly continued. “We were together about a year but he got a job with the University in the UK where he had completed his Master’s degree and so left some months ago. So the relationship kind of fizzled out since he hadn’t hinted at the possibility of the relationship leading anywhere”. I watched her face as something akin to sadness flashed even as she quickly shrugged it off. I wanted to do everything in my power to make that pain I had glimpsed never return. “Come here” i said to her, patting the bed beside where I was sitting. She walked over gently and sat down. I draped my arm over her shoulder and placed slow kisses on her temples and her cheeks until I felt her smile under my lips. I moved to her lips and nibbled gently and she soon began to kiss me back. We laid back on the bed side by side with our feet still on the floor as we kept kissing for what seemed like hours. I soon felt her slow down and begin to dose off and so I pulled her up on the bed, and then dragged the cover over her.

I sat up beside her, leaning on the headboard watching her chest rise and fall with each breath, amazed at how beautiful she looked asleep, with the corners of her lips curved slightly as though in a smile. And all of a sudden it struck me at how much I wanted to watch her sleep like this beside me every night. I wanted to wake up to her every morning. I wanted to have her eyes flick open and find me watching her sleep. I wanted to kiss her every day, hear her high pitch laugh that always warmed my heart. I wanted to watch her try to give me that fake small smile she usually puts up for others and then tickle her until she bursts out in that genuine smile she only gives a select few.

The thoughts in my head almost made me reach out to kiss her awake and then make love to her all night long. But instead, i got out of bed, rummaged through my box till I found some sweat pants and running shoes which I pulled on and sneaked out to the 24 hour gym at the ground floor. Glad to see a trainer in sight, I took off my T-shirt, leaving only the under singlet inside and headed towards the weights. But on closer inspection of the night shift trainer, I noticed he looked quite exhausted. So instead, I requested for some boxing gloves and went on a rampage on the punching bags until my knot in my heart uncurled and I had worked up a sweat.

I showered in the gym to avoid waking her up when I returned and found one of those soft padding bedroom shoes to wear. Back in my room, I quietly let myself in, undressed and then climbed into bed with her. While I tried to pull the cover over me, she stirred and turned her back towards me. So I moved in closer to her until her back was a slight whisper from touching my chest and I placed my hand over her hips gently still trying not to rouse her. But she sidled even more closely till we were fused together so perfectly I didn’t know where my legs ended or where hers began.  Our breathing matched as though we drew in air and released at the same tempo. I never remembered being so much at peace.


Knowing the end from the beginning didn’t help here. As hard as i tried to protect my heart from falling, I fell for her without even knowing when. And having her in my arms right now felt like home.  And I thought to myself, maybe she is my soul mate, and for the first time that I could remember, my well-ordered life had been turned upside down. And I began to think that running away never felt this welcomed. Is it possible to leave everything and everyone behind and just run? Maybe we could move to Australia and join a hitch hiking community? Those beautiful images lulled me to sleep with a smile on my face.  I would deal with life’s woes when tomorrow comes. But right now all I wanted to focus on was Tina and I on a beach somewhere far away. Yet a creeping thought plagued my mind, and I kept thinking- another place another time, we would make the perfect couple, but soul mates don’t always make life partners, do they?

Monday 26 October 2015

ANOTHER PLACE, ANOTHER TIME


I have often heard that there is a surreal feeling that comes with being in love. It feels like nobody but yourself can understand how that feels, unless of course you are lucky enough to have someone to share that feeling with, maybe only then will you feel understood. But many a time, one finds that requited love is a tall order.

At the middle of last year, months before my 30th birthday I could have sworn I had everything figured out. I had asked my girlfriend of 4 years to marry me and she had agreed. Even though we had broken up off and on within the last year, we both knew we cared a lot for each other and if everything went well, we would wed.

Our families had grown close because of our relationship and every now and then my mother in her typical sober yet firm tone will ask me “when will you make an honorable woman out of Anna and marry her?” and I would come up with one excuse or another like “Mommy, Anna wants to round up her Masters before she gets married” or “I’m looking to get this promotion at work that will mean I will be traveling a lot, and I don’t want to marry a young wife and leave her all alone while I traipse around the world”.

That will usually hush her up (for a while at least), while I drum up more excuses when the issue is again raised at a latter date. I knew her desire was to see me wedded, being the last born and the only one still single of her 5 children. Months earlier my twin sister and the only girl had gotten wedded and now all eyes were set on me, anticipating when I will start a home.

My culture isn’t known to hammer the issue of marriage to men, because it is expected that a man must be fully able to take care of the costs for a wedding and setting up a home before he marries. But my mother’s often romantic side always had a bearing in the way she raised us and her constant prodding that we get married as soon as we are able to find someone special. Well, in this case, I seemed to be the one dragging even though I began dating Anna, long before two of my elder ones met their now spouses.  
With my new status upgraded from single, to engaged, and a new promotion that sent me to start up a new company branch in Lokoja all was going really well as Anna and I had begun mapping out plans on when to schedule a formal introduction. That was until I met Tina at the new office I had been posted to. She was the Human Resource person who got the contract to oversee the hiring of the new staff and the setting up of the management team.

We hit it off immediately we met even though we didn’t really have much in common as per language, places we schooled etc. But somehow, ours was like a connection of kindred spirits. We went out for drinks with the rest of the management team at the close of the first week as most of us were new in town and had been transferred from the firms various offices nationwide. Tina and I became inseparable during the first few weeks. It was almost as though we had known each other forever and even though we met every day at work, I felt almost incomplete until I’d sent her a message every other night to wish her a goodnight before I go to sleep. With Tina, it felt like we had been friends our whole lives. As expected, Anna and I’s relationship began to suffer some strain which we attributed to stress from planning a wedding, but I knew otherwise. Since my car hadn’t arrived from Lagos, Tina in her usual caring fashion was so benevolent to pick me up on her way to the office every now and then.

A week ago, the zonal office at Abuja called for a meeting with all heads of the North central branches so Tina and I were scheduled to be driven down by the company driver, she being the HR and I the Branch Manager.

Upon arrival, we found we had been set up in this swanky new hotel at Adetokunbo Ademola crescent. At the reception, the concierge handed over our room keys and luggage to the bellboy who led us to our rooms. While we walked down the corridor, we agreed to freshen up and meet up downstairs at the hotel roof top lounge for drinks. 

Upon reaching our suites, to our amazement we found we were across each other. Inside my room, I laid down for a few minutes, sent out messages to Anna to let her know I had arrived safely and then to the contact person to arrange logistics and materials for the meeting slated the next day in the afternoon. After which, I took a cold shower, dressed in casual jeans, a polo t-shirt and loafers.

I arrived at the lounge a few minutes to 7, sat at a corner booth and decided to wait until Tina arrives before I make an order. My eyes were fixed on the TV which was tuned on to a music channel and I didn’t notice Tina arrive until she was at the booth. She was dressed in flay wrap dress and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. While I took in her appearance in, she sidled beside me and got comfortable on the sofa.

3 Hours later, and 2 glasses of long island iced tea down, I immediately felt a strong feeling to lean into her and plant a kiss on her lips, but somehow, I held myself back. I settled for holding her hand or placing an absent hand on her thigh and I was grateful she didn’t withdraw it. We talked about everything, school experiences, family, favorite songs, colours, and animals. To my surprise I found out that she too loved dogs as I did. So naturally, our next conversations were preoccupied with talks bordering on breed of dogs and ways we had tried to hypnotize them. 

The time was 10pm and so we decided it was wise to leave the bar and get some rest. I clasped her hands as we walked out of the bar and into the elevator, partly because I thought she wouldn’t mind the extra support and also because I just enjoyed being in close contact with her. Obviously a little tipsy, as soon as the elevator doors closed, we reached for each other in a rushed hungry kiss. We kissed for a few seconds before the elevator bell dinged to signal we had arrived at our floor. We exchanged a brief nervous laugh as the doors opened and there was a couple with their five/six year old child waiting outside.

Sidling past them we walked down the corridor to our rooms and as Tina fished out her key card from her pocket, I reached for her again. Putting my hands on her arm, I turned her to me and proceeded really slowly to bring my head down towards hers, giving her time to turn down the kiss if she wanted to. Somewhere in my mind, I was hoping she would but she didn’t. She melted into my arms and holding her head in place, we kissed for what seemed like forever. When we came up for air, I asked “do you wanna come inside?” I tilted my head towards my room.

She shook her head, indicating she didn't want to and said “I really don’t think that’s a good idea”. I think she saw the disappointment in my eyes and so she quickly added “We have a busy day tomorrow”. And I told her “our meeting is not till 1pm, so we’ve got a lot of time”. She again added “well then, don’t you think we ought to take this slow?” putting emphasis on the word ‘this’. Sensing her apprehension, I quickly prodded “hey, we don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I know you’re not really sleepy and neither am I, so I just wanted us to talk some more”. And in that moment, it struck me that I was in fact being totally honest.


Of course I was hugely attracted to her, the beginning of a boner in my pants was evident of that, but at that moment, all I wanted was to at most just lay with her in my arms all night. I guess, somehow she believed me and dragged out a response “o--kay, but i need to reply some messages in my room first and clean off my make up“. I almost made cartwheels across the expanse of the corridor at her reply but managed a slight nod of my head and relied “sure. May i?” I said gesturing at the key card she had clutched in her left hand, she smiled in acquiescence as I took the key from her, slotted it in to unlock the door and then placed it back in her hands while I held open the door for her to step in...

*To be continued*

Friday 14 August 2015

HANDLING RUN-INS WITH THE EX


My friend called on a Saturday afternoon to fill me in on what had just happened to her minutes earlier. She was at a wedding ceremony when she unexpectedly ran into her Ex and his mother. I should mention that, she had dated this guy for more than 2 years and was sure he was the one. In fact, she was so convinced that this was ‘it’, that she had begun to secretly make a wedding list in her head. Only for the guy’s mother to call her over to the house and inform her that she wasn’t in support of the relationship because she thought my friend was too dark for her son and would rather he be with a light skinned girl.

That was almost a year ago, and now she found herself seated across the table to this woman. My friend had prepped herself for weeks following the breakup on how to act if and when she ran into him. But as those weeks turned to months and it was no show, she forewent her plans and got on with her life, only for her to run into this duo at the wedding. She confessed to me that she was sure she was visibly shaking. The anger and disappointment came flooding back and when hers and the woman’s gaze locked, she couldn’t dredge up a suitable reaction. Should she turn away and ignore her or should she walk over and greet her? She managed to stay put and feign calmness, but when she noticed that the woman kept her eyes glued on her every move; she was forced into finding a way to walk over to the Ex "would-have-been-mother-in-law" to greet her.

To her surprise, the woman feigned pleasure at running into her and even went on about how long it had been since she saw her at the house. She gestured towards the end of the hall that she was sure her son was there somewhere and attempted to beckon him over to come meet them. My friend told her not to bother that she was in a hurry herself as she had another engagement elsewhere and used the commotion of the bridal dance to quietly skulk away unnoticed by the Ex.

Running into the Ex is usually a thorny road to tread. Days and weeks following a breakup, you need time to be angry, curse, hurt and grieve but at the end you need to make a decision to either wallow in that self-pity or pick yourself up and start again. More often than not, we plan, rehearse, act out and carefully arm ourselves with the best response to give when and if we do run into the ex in a random (and maybe not so random- hence planned) place.

As soon as we get out of the pity-party hole in which we had sunken into, we try to reinvent ourselves. Some immerse themselves into work; some go shopping, take a trip, or hang out with lively friends who uplift their spirits. But always, lurking at the back of their minds is how to talk and act if and when they do run into the Ex. This usually encapsulates two intentions, one to make the Ex know that you are totally over them and have moved on, or the second to find a way to get the Ex jealous so they wind up getting back together with you.

Whatever your approach, you have to think it through and make plans before implementing, ergo, figuring out whether there is a chance of getting back together or not. To do this, you ought to understand yourself. Are you the logical person who analyzes the pros and cons of every situation before determining the next course of action? Are you the vengeful sort who is always seeking out wicked ways to make the Ex pay? Or are you the ever forgiving long suffering one, who always yearns for things to go back to the rosy way they were.

After figuring out who you are, you have to analyze the kind of person the Ex is. Are they the egotistical type who believe their word is law? With this type, they always carry on as though their dating you was doing you some kind of favor, so with them you ought to arm yourself with back-handed compliments. Like an Ex I ran into who was always vain about his looks. So I said something like “I see you’re aging gracefully, see your grey hairs and is that a pot belly I spot? Wow! How times change”.

You also have to figure out if they are the creepy ones. Do they have the tendency to surreptitiously stalk your every movement? Are they the truly penitent ones who are genuinely trying to make peace? The answers to these questions will equip you with the right tools in handling them.

Another thing to consider is the nature of the relationship you had with the person. It is easy to hate the Ex. And bad mouthing them at every given opportunity may probably be easier, but most people aren’t honest about what type of relationship they shared. In some relationships, the game plan from the get-go was only to while away time, and that might have been agreed by both parties, but when the affair ends, one party may most likely be embittered. For such breakups, in my opinion, it would be fool hardy to make an effort into getting that person back seeing as what you two had was merely aimed at passing time. 

There are also the genuine, committal relationships. The end for these ones usually hurt a lot because you not only have to come to terms with the breakup, but you also need to decide how to break the news to your family and friends in the nicest way possible.

One thing is fairly certain though, you will -whether purposely or unwittingly- run into the Ex, sooner or later. Therefore your future reputation is hinged on your ability to remain calm, think of quick witted things to say to diffuse the tension and all the while making that person who was dumb enough to leave you know that you are doing well and better than you were when you were with them.


Please share how you have managed to handle yourself whenever you run into an ex…

Sunday 5 July 2015

OPENING UP ABOUT SADNESS, LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION


For most African societies, the only illness worth giving attention to are the biological ones, Malaria, Heart attack, Stroke, Typhoid, Fractures, Cancer, Auto immune disorders etc. Psychological/emotional illnesses are lumped up into “craze”, “madness”, “witch craft” etc. We are close minded about phobias, compulsions, grief, sadness, depression, anxiety, sociopathic tendencies and other such evolving ailment that are stealing many people’s happiness.

At religious meetings when people are asked to state their prayer requests, it is unlikely that you would hear anyone speak up about struggling with a heart break or feeling depressed because despite his attempts to get into a tertiary institution, it’s all proven abortive. In fact, most often than not, even in our own most private thoughts we do not admit to ourselves that we are going through spates of intense sadness or rage. We are hard on ourselves and so try to escape from it.

Some find respite in approaching it the generic way, hoping that all be well with them, that they excel, that they get a new job etc, because God forbid that they admit to themselves that such lack or loss is hurting badly and then try or seek help in letting go of the bitterness. This important prayer most of us skip.

We think, “oh no, there’s no way I will admit to being hurt, that is giving the devil a reason to cheer at my defeat”. Aren’t we being a bit too hard on ourselves? If it is okay to admit to your doctor that you feel a pain in your body, why is it hard to admit that your heart or soul is troubled? 

The notion that we expect everyone to be strong always is what’s driving people crazy. Many people do not have the tools or the mental strength to handle stressful situations, but because it is expected of them to be tough, they hide behind a veil of perfect health when inside they are dying. For some it is the trappings of friends and society.

For those who seek respite in telling the world, while this tendency to over-share is definitely not the best route to go, if it gives you some peace then maybe you should attempt it but with the utmost caution. However, it will be advisable to find a confidant, speak to a spiritually mature person, see a therapist or find a group of like minds. This may go a long way.

Truth is, today happiness is a very tall order and so we are constantly in a struggle. Either to meet up with personally set goal posts or to build a façade that tells people how well put together we are, missing the point that we ought first to be kind to ourselves. We owe ourselves that much.


Be well…

Tuesday 30 June 2015

SOMETIMES WE ARE OUR OWN UNDOING



I don’t understand how you can be so calm about this. If it were me there’s no way I would let things be, I’ll be sure to let him have it! Well, maybe you’re the bigger person, but somehow I know in my heart I could never be such”. Those were my friend’s words (all be it a little paraphrased) to me the other day. But let me go back to what brought about this discussion.

A close friend of mine and I hadn’t seen each other in a while. Work, our busy schedules and the fact that she was traveling a lot had made us drift apart for a few weeks. But when we met up the other day, we tried to catch up with each other and find out how we’ve been, where we’ve been, with whom we’ve been and so on.

Last time we spoke, we shared raving reviews about a nice guy we had met sometime back. He seemed genuinely pleasant and straight forward but somehow we found out in the most unpleasant way that he was a sketchy character. Deeply hurt, I confronted him about it, he owned up and apologized (the genuineness of which is left to be confirmed) but I accepted it nonetheless and I told him it was alright, I was ready to let bygones be that. My response was what got my dear friend firing up at me. In her opinion, hurting someone is premeditated and there is neither an excuse nor reason to forgive such a person without first trying to get back at them.  But I am of the opposite opinion.

Spirituality aside, forgiving and letting go of pain and hurt is beneficial to everyone. Holding on to anger and resentment is the easiest thing to do especially when we feel betrayed by people we trust. However, wallowing in that anger deprives us of much needed peace and happiness.

For days, my friend’s words echoed within me “Well, maybe you are the bigger person”. And with it came the realization that I wasn’t exactly a bigger person than she was, I had just learnt from experience. And with such experiences, you get better at reacting to bullshit. As with most Scorpios, long suffering and vengeance came easily for me. I could hold onto past grievances for years, secretly pining away till an opportunity presents itself where I can strike back. But what that did for me first was, it seized my peace and through constant pondering on a revenge tactic, it made me mentally hold on to people and things I was better off expunging from my life. 

They rented a space in my heart and for payment; I lost sleep, peace and happiness instead! One day, I decided to start a process of evaluating everything and everyone i held in contempt and gauged how much those things had gained me and what it had robbed me of and I found that the loss far surpassed the need for resentment. With such realization came the purging of my heart and emptying it of all non-paying/profitable space renters in my mind.

I understand that for some the feeling of being cheated has to be retaliated by revenge or at the very least a worded backlash and it is only then that they can find satisfaction. That’s okay too, but that only makes you the same hurtful person as the one who wronged you. If you can live with yourself after such knowledge, then by God, be you.


But my 2 cents and the logic to my somewhat happy life is this, I logically analyze the reason for such betrayal, if it was as a result of my shortcoming, I am kind to myself so i forgive and move on. If it was premeditatedly aimed at hurting me, I figure “hey what they heck, I’ve been wronged, true. Do I need to show that person just how much I am hurting by their wrong? Heck no! I can’t let any hurtful soul have a laugh and jest about their accomplishment”. So I suck it up, puff my chest and walk tall, usually in my 6 inch heel stilettos. 

Friday 29 May 2015

FRESH AIR GIVES WAY TO CHANGE


I awoke to the buzzing of helicopters flying in the sky. For the uninformed on National matters, the presence of Military surveillance copters would have been a giveaway that something epic was going down in the Nation’s capital, Abuja. It wasn’t just the celebration of Democracy in Nigeria which is marked on this day the 29th of May every year, but today, it is also the handing over to a new regime following the victory of Muhammadu Buhari in the April 28th poll over the incumbent President, Goodluck Jonathan.  

As power had gone off in the early hours of the morning, we decided to turn on the generator to also witness the ceremony. The Eagle Square was awash with beautiful decorations and more important were the international dignitaries that graced this epic occasion. Including Heads of State, Prime Ministers, Senate President, Speaker, House of Representatives, Chief Justice of the Federation, Politicians, Captains of Industries, and a host of entertainment. These, including P-Square and Kwam-1 who regaled the guests with songs to set the pace for the jubilation of the day.

The Vice President, Arc. Namadi Sambo and Vice President-Elect Prof. Yemi Osinbajo arrived first, preceding the arrival of the President-Elect Gen. Muhammadu Buhari, who personally welcomed invited dignitaries and guests before taking his seat. Last came the Presidential convoy of black BMWs and the Official Mercedes Benz, and amidst Military precision, the outgoing President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan GCFR arrived the Inauguration ceremony.

The ceremony began with opening prayers led by the Chairman of CAN Abuja Chapter, Gabriel Akanbi and the Deputy Chief Imam of the National Mosque, Abuja, Dr. Ibrahim Ahmad Zakari .
The Chief Registrar of the Supreme Court Barrister Ahmed Gambo Saleh anchoring the swearing-in invited first the Vice President-Elect with his wife to the podium to take his oath of office in the presence of the Chief Justice of Nigeria, Justice Mahmud Mohammed GCON to the applause of the crowd and the salute of the Military. Next on the podium was President Jonathan after shaking hands with other Heads of States, the invited guests and dignitaries. Followed soon after was the President-Elect Muhammadu Buhari accompanied by his wife to the podium to take his oath of office. To the “Sai Baba, sai Buhari” music by Kwam 1, Muhammadu Buhari, President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, signed his oath of office.

Then came the handshake between the incoming president and the outgoing President followed by the Military ceremonies of handing over the flag of Nigeria and the flag of the office of the Presidency. To the sound of the Bigul, the flags were mounted. White pigeons were let out of the decorated green, white, green cage and the 21 gun salute by the Nigerian Army Artillery. Inspection of the military guard brigade by the President, Federal Republic of Nigeria Muhammadu Buhari while his qualifications were reeled out by the English and French anchors of the event.

Giving his inaugural speech, President Buhari reiterated his promise to uphold integrity, stave corruption, improve power generation and transmission and tackle security challenges. While also tasking the media and other arms of the government on responsibility and accountability.

As the ceremony winds to a close, the loud music emanating from mobile bands in the street celebrating Nigeria’s democracy seep into my room, I too step out with my bowl of goat meat pepper soup to celebrate with my fellow countrymen. But first, let me turn off the generator, fuel cannot waste. lol.

**** A special welcome to the new President and his Vice to the helm of affairs of this great country. We hope and pray that your government be willing to dig into the grime cut out for you and work hard to deliver on your CHANGE mandate for the Nigerian people ****


God bless Nigeria, God bless the new political dispensation.

Wednesday 8 April 2015

A FACE THAT LAUNCHED A THOUSAND SHIPS




Kalu didn’t like to think of himself as vain and foppish, he however always made an effort to appear dapper. But the thing was this, as a child he grew up in a northern town where there were only a handful of Igbos and most of them were technicians and traders. The only few available white collar jobs were mostly teaching or being a staff at the Local government office. So he had always disliked the way clothes hung loosely around his kinsmen and he made a silent vow that when he leaves his community and moves to the big city he would be sure to wear nice clothes. 

The answer to his prayer came when he got an oil company scholarship that paid his way through the university and ultimately he landed a job with them after his graduation.

He remembered vaguely that the northern young girls in his community will always smile shyly at him when they walked past. Though that amused him he would later admit to Karen that he had always figured they were interested in him because of his charming good looks and his sense of style.

Let me introduce Karen – she was the new NYSC Corp member in Kalu’s office and the girl Kalu was hooking up with. Kalu thought her pretty and smart enough and definitely someone with whom he enjoyed having conversations but he wasn’t looking for anything serious. But that wasn’t how she refers to their relationship. She sees herself more as the lady of the manor because she had partially moved in with him and of course had her own key to the apartment. She prided herself as the love of Kalu’s life whom he’s just too shy to admit. 

Did I mention that Kalu was definitely a fine guy? Well I think that word quite understated- he is beautiful. Dark skinned, really tall and slim but buff such that you can’t but stop and stare when he walked past. He got so much attention from women at restaurants, clubs and at the workplace. And even a few men also whenever he went to the gym. 

I think that was what made it different with Karen. She obviously made it clear that though she thought him really handsome, -I mean she would have to a blind not to see that-, but she never made much of a big deal of it. She made it clear that she was attracted more to his wit and brilliance. And I guess Kalu liked that declaration because he always got a free pass wherever he went. People fell all over themselves to grant his wishes. So she was a breath of fresh air for him.

Kalu liked to think of himself of not being a womanizer but with such beauty comes the inevitable temptations. He never even had to worry about trying to step up to a woman, because they always seemed to be just waiting for him to make a move and the bolder ones usually walked up to him themselves.

One of such to fall victim to his charm was Zara- The divorced, rich daughter of a wealthy top ranking business mogul. Kalu met Zara at a work function where they had both presented results of their individual research work and he was totally in awe of her articulation and poise that she carried with so much delicateness.  

She was exactly the type of girl he always thought unapproachable. Living in the north he understood the stereotype involved with northern girls dating a southern guy, so no matter much they gave him the come-on looks, he would look the other away. He definitely didn’t want any aggressive father meting out a thousand strokes of the cane on his back.

But somehow he felt drawn to her in ways he couldn’t explain. He quickly introduced himself after the event ended, they exchanged business cards and he began working his magic on her. First he began by helping her with her research work whenever he thought she was smarmed. Before long, they began meeting for lunch and on days he wanted to turn on his full charm he would take her to the movies.  

Zara was endeared by his efforts and of course his treacherous good looks. Without even trying too hard she found herself liking him a lot. Maybe it was because he had the bad boy image, kind of like the forbidden fruit, the devil’s eye candy that attracted her. But before long they began dating. Zara knew with a lot of effort she might be able to convince her parents to come around and accept of her marrying a southerner. But she knew that the possibility of that happening is premised on her ability to convert him to Islam. 

Kalu had become totally taken by her and he began considering an option of becoming a Muslim as that was the only way they could be together. He began reading the revised English version of the Qur’an and Zara explained points that he found hard to understand. But somewhere along the line, Kalu’s stoic catholic mother intervened and so he had to grudgingly walk away. This hurt Zara so much because she had hoped he would convert and so had begun to tell her family about him.

This all happened before Karen got into the picture. Karen was the one to pick up the pieces of Kalu’s broken heart, piece it back together. Of course Kalu had told her about his Hausa lover and how things went awry and so she would tease him light heartedly about his “Omo Hausa” girlfriend. Having seen a glimpse of Kalu’s pain, she felt drawn to him and she inevitably fell in love.

By this time Zara was already sending messages pleading with Kalu to reconsider, telling him how she loved him. When her pleas seemed to fall on deaf ears, she began begging that he not embarrass her in before her family and as a last resort, she switched to sending threatening messages. She had obviously found out about Karen and so was enraged that Kalu had left her for a small girl after the sacrifices she had made for him. 

It got to that point that Karen had to plead with Kalu to ignore Zara’s calls but he wouldn’t. He’d go on about how he understood that Zara was only hurting and she didn’t mean any harm. As expected this began to cause friction between Karen and Kalu. But try as Karen would to walk away she couldn’t. And so she kept feeling helpless in getting her man to be fully committed to her and lay to rest whatever it was that he and Zara shared.

In the height of her frustrations, Karen decided to pay Zara a visit at her office. She stole Zara’s contact from Kalu’s phone and made an appointment under fake pretenses. Upon arriving Zara’s office, she introduced herself and warned Zara to stay away from her man. Zara, angered by such effrontery ordered security to throw Karen out. That was the first lesson Karen was to learn that day, “do not ever visit a rival on their own turf. Meet on a mutual ground and battle it out”. The second lesson she would learn was never to go through your man’s phone and especially with malicious intent. Of Course Zara called to report Karen to Kalu and he was so enraged he packed up Karen’s clothes in a bag, deposited it with the security guy at his gate and sent her a message about where to pick up her belongings.

When Karen got that text message, she felt her world crumbling down. She knew she had messed up but could Kalu just look past it and forgive her? After countless messages apologizing and all phone calls placed ignored, she decided to give Zara a taste of her own medicine. So she found a guy she went to university with who wasn’t one to eschew violence and arranged for him ambush Zara on her way back home from work, give her a scare, slash her tires and smash in her windscreen.

That done, it finally got the attention of Kalu who stormed her sister’s house where she was living to question her about the attack. She feigned innocence and even though Kalu had a gut feeling that Karen was responsible he couldn’t verify and try as Zara might to pin the attack on Karen, they didn’t have any proof so Karen got away.

In a twist of fate, this act of Karen’s obliterated any hopes she had of ever getting back together with Kalu, instead it engendered Kalu’s pity for Zara whom he returned to ask for forgiveness and they resumed dating.

There was one person whom both Karen and Zara loathed her very existence and neither mentioned, -that was Maria. She was Kalu’s first love with whom he had had a kid with but they unfortunately lost the baby to sickle cell anemia. They had met in the university and fell in love as jambites. By the time they were in their final year, she got pregnant. With the promise of graduation and a wealth of opportunity awaiting them, they decided to keep the baby. They however deferred on getting wedded immediately but agreed to share responsibility in caring for the child. But a few days to the baby’s first year birthday, they lost her to a sickle cell crisis. The loss of their baby girl wedged a wall between them and though they loved each other, the pain made them drift away causing Maria to move to Lagos. 

She however got back into the picture when she was selected by her office to head the newly opened branch in Abuja. Kalu ran into her at NEXT Supermarket not far from where he lived. They exchanged numbers and reconnected in a way only two people who were absolutely once in love could. She was still unmarried though had just broken off an eight month engagement because of her move to Abuja from Lagos. As is the feature of lingering embers, the flame between them easily fanned and waxed hot. But Maria never knew of Kalu’s predicament with Zara nor Karen and she often teased him about Abuja girls not having snatched him up long before now but Kalu remained mum about it all. 

But that was before a fateful Saturday morning when Kalu and Maria were watching highlights of a football match they had missed the night before when his phone rang.  The call was from Karen’s elder sister who had phoned to inform him of Karen’s demise. Karen? Dead? How? When? Why? The phone call revealed that Karen was pregnant with his child and because things weren’t working out she decided to get rid of it. It was almost 5 months formed and so she died from complications during the surgery. Karen’s sister had blasted him to high heaven cursing him for not taking his responsibilities and leading her sister to her untimely death. When Maria figured the details of the call, she was cross with him. Maria couldn’t imagine how Kalu put any woman through such heartache when they had both lost a kid whom they loved and how the loss totally crushed them. She was so pained, she packed up her things and left him.

What neither Maria nor Karen’s sister waited to ask was whether or not Kalu knew about the pregnancy. He didn’t. Karen had kept it a total secret from him and now thinking back he knew why she would do that. Karen wasn’t one to arm twist anyone into being with her. And he wished he didn’t understand that about her, because maybe it would have made the pain he felt hurt a little less. Kalu had told Karen about his kid with Maria and how she died, so she ought to have understood that he would never have abandoned his child. But alas she was nowhere for him to confront. She had robbed him of a chance to have another child he could love and had robbed the world an opportunity to experience a beautiful soul like hers.

He couldn’t see how his own anger and selfishness had so blinded him to the pain Karen must have been going through. The pain of such a realization made him call it quits with Zara, he quit his job, put away the women in his life and bade farewell to his family. He sold his car and put his flat up for sale with instructions that the money be deposited into an account. And then Kalu bought a one way ticket to China and enrolled in a soul-finding mission where he joined a spiritual meditation group led by a group of old monks. There, he found peace and began slowly to forgive himself.

Friday 27 March 2015

LET CHILDREN ENJOY THE FAIRYTALE





Age Appropriate Movies...



It was a Wednesday evening and a friend who was visiting me at my office strong armed me into going to see a movie with her at the cinema. Anyone who is an Abuja resident understands the rush, traffic and crowd that pile up to the cinema on Wednesday, mostly because the cost of viewing movies is slashed by 50% and you get free popcorn and a soda.  Much as I loathed the crowd on such days, I decided to do a little movie schedule search online before we left. I wanted to check to see the movies showing that week, the time, running time, and watch the attached short movie teasers. We decided on seeing the movie “Jupiter Ascending”. I found it was a sci-fi movie showing at 7:05pm about whimsical beings, with the different planets of the universe battling for supremacy and ultimately romance between a human female and a winged extra-terrestrial male. 

The movie seemed to suit our moods and so we began the painstaking traffic laden journey to the cinema complex. After battling it out on the road, we arrived the ticketing stand at 7:00, bought two tickets and all but dashed through the popcorn vending point and into the theatre. By the time we found a seat and settled in it was 7:13pm. Thank God for small miracles that cinemas in Nigeria always start a little late and almost always lead off with previews. I bet they put into cognizance our tendency for using the “African Time” excuse of always getting to places later than stated. 

Thirty minutes into the movie a family walked into the theatre with two children. One looked about 3 years old and the other, maybe 8 years old. At first I thought their entry distracting as they made huge shadow-like reflections on the white projected wall of the cinema and I had to duck this way and that way in an attempt to be able to see the screen. While they looked around for a seat, they chose the row right in front of us and settled in. just as I was silently cursing my ill luck of sitting behind whiny and fidgety kids, the characters in the movie were engrossed in an intense lip lock and were all gooey eyed and just then a host of scary evil villains attack them. And immediately my eyes darted to the kids seated in front when I could almost hear one of them flinch. And all of a sudden I began feeling bad for them.

I remember as kids, we had to struggle to sneak into the sitting room, and then hide behind sofas as the adults watched videos like Nneka the snake girl, Ayamatanga and Anaconda. And when i got to watch Michael Jackson’s Thriller video for the first time, despite the fact that I hid my eyes behind my palms, I remember still getting really scared. And I remember having bad dreams at night for years because of the scenes I had watched. So I worried for these children who were more or less seeing a movie that wasn’t age appropriate. And then my worry switched to anger for the adults who brought them in. Did they not read the age rating? And if they had somehow missed that, what about the cinema security? Didn’t they see them walk in? 

I itched to lean over and ask the parents why they chose an inappropriate movie to bring their kids to, but with the way modern Nigeria doesn’t take too well with any kind of criticism, I decided to mind my business. But since then my palms had been itching to pen something down about this, perhaps parents will learn to pay more attention to the 'Parental Guidance' and age ratings of movies.

It is quite simple, if a movie specifies the age restriction for viewers, it is best we obey it. I for one am still scarred by some unpleasant scenes I saw as a child and these thoughts sneak up on me at unplanned moments, seizing me with fear. And I am an adult, so you can imagine what that may do to kids. Allow children to be children, let them enjoy the fairy tale of life before they are forcefully tossed into living the harsh reality of life. Let them enjoy their innocence while they still have it.
Let them gobble up the simplicity of Spongebob, or the dreamy princess life of Snow White and Cinderella. And then gently introduce them with sound teaching and guidance the ways to go about life. Don't let movies be their first teacher before you get the chance to put them through yourself.

As a famous Vin Diesel quote says... 

"Protect your innocence... 
Our innocence allows us 
to do what the practical mind prohibits"