ONE THING ISN’T ENOUGH ANYMORE…

Here’s to making public, private musings… 

Ever sat through an entire movie without the urge to constantly check your phone every few minutes? Ever sat through a meal without also watching something on Television? Ever talked on the phone without also doing something mundane like picking out clothes for the next day or struggle to prepare a meal? Do you indecisively surf through several radio stations while you drive? 

Do you struggle to pay attention to the one thing you are doing so you don’t mentally start trying to multitask with other things? Or like most people now, do you only use and maintain one telephone line? (Exclude the pesky failings of Nigerian telecommunications networks and their connections). Most people just want to have more than one of anything. The Hausa man aptly puts it as “Gida biyu, maganin gobara” Owning two houses is remedy in case of a fire.

It is normal to dismiss it as just the mind’s ability to multitask; we may shrug it off by saying “aint nothing wrong with that”.  But what if these are indicative of the human mind which has involuntarily transformed itself into this massive web of insatiability where one thing is just no longer enough? Hence the edacity to amass more and more, even when you do not need them or want them.

This fast pace life where everyone is in a hurry to do something, to go somewhere, to have that thing is probably why many of us today are Jacks of all Trade, Masters of None.
Don't get me wrong, i think versatility is important, in fact i find that having that ability gives you an edge above so many people. However, when you spread yourself too thin into many different interests, you will find that you begin to lose depth in any particular thing. That is where the problem lies.

Indulge me and ask yourself this question, what if this attitude is also affecting our human relationships? There was a time in our lives when we were satisfied with being in a mutually beneficial relationship with only one person – our significant other. Without us having the need to keep a spare tyre (or as some people call it – chick/dude on the side) for incase of incasity.

Some of us would remember having a boo in secondary school whom you thought the sun rose and set on. There was never the need to be jealous. Waking up every day with a clear sense of purpose; you would receive a letter from ‘em and pore through it all day long. Then by night, pen down a reply and come day break, send it back to them by human-post. For that little while you were happy weren’t you? Though in retrospect, that would be called puppy love, but what other love could be better? One need not worry about how to share your time between 2 girls or boys while on the other hand trying your damnest for them to not find out about each other. Some of us surely must remember those simpler times when everything was black and white. You either wanted to be involved with a person or you didn’t. There were no grey sides. No safety nets.

Fast forward to several years later, the same thing cannot be said. Many people can no longer have only one partner, what if H/She breaks up with me? Should i be left with no one while H/She moves on to be with someone else? Those are the questions that permeate our thoughts. But what if it is that attitude of constantly trying to feel smart by keeping two people is what makes us lose that amazing thing which we could have with just the one?

You’ve got to take a leap of faith sometimes.

See, I have learned that Love is only for the strong, not for the faint at heart. Only the weak is engulfed with fear at the thought of falling in love. Therefore, the “smart” guy or girl moves you put on that gives respite that by holding back your heart it makes you impervious to hurt, is only a delusion.

For a truly smart person is one who is willing to put him/herself out there no matter how daunting fear seems. 

OF PDAs AND RELATIONSHIPS.

A Featured piece by a Guest Writer... Please Share, Comment, Follow. Oshey!

My significant other loves to display personal affections publicly. When we’re taking a leisurely stroll, he likes to hold my hand. When we stand side by side in front of a shelf at the mall trying to decide what items to pick, he could absently put his hand in the back pocket of my jeans. On an escalator, he likes to corner me to the side, while he stands a breath away, puts his hands around my waist while we ascend.  Or at the cinema, he loves for me to cuddle into his chest while he wraps his arms around me. Subconsciously, I guess he just wants us to be connected, but I find myself cringing. Not because I do not want to be connected to him nor is it that I am a particularly shy girl, but I always find myself growing self-conscious whenever he does that. 

At first, it brought on a few fights, as I thought it was an act of possession and he wanting to stake his claim on me out rightly. While he thought I was either being prudish or afraid that I was cheating on him and didn’t want the other guy to spot us in such lock of romance. However, he is gradually beginning to understand that it just makes me uneasy, while I am learning that he just constantly needs to maintain a physical contact with me.

Though we are working through our peeves, I find myself pondering if maybe there is something wrong with me.  So I asked a few people and found this isn’t unique to me alone. A lot of other people too suffer from gross discomfort when their partner displays such outright personal affectations. One of the most common is their discomfort in displaying images of themselves with the Boo. A very funny girl said, she would only concede to putting up a picture of her boo if it was a group picture. That way, people could either only dismiss it flippantly or it would leave them questioning which one he might be.

A guy says, since he’s been in relationships with other people for years, he had never displayed affections publicly for any of his past girlfriends and if he starts to do so now with his new girl, he worries the old ones might be peeved at him. Asking questions like, were they not good enough to be showcased when they were with him? Why this one? 

For others, like a guy I know, he thinks it’s not manly showing affection. But they don’t mind their women displaying their love for them far and wide while they themselves hold back, basking in the euphoria that “they got her”. Do you not think she too would want to enjoy that feeling? To know “i got him”?

These and so much more could be our reasons for our undercover leanings to romance or as a friend of mine will call it Barb wire love. There’s this curious thing though, one day when you feel so much love in your heart for someone, will you still fight the urge to want to shout to the whole world that this is your boo? Some of us are worried about people thinking us to be seeking for attention so everyone knows you have a beau, so what?  Have you forgotten that “na only you waka come this world and no only you go waka go?”  Please do what makes you happy, I mean truly happy.

By the way, maybe portraying yourself as unattached is probably why you get all the unwarranted solicitations by random people who hit on you left, right, center. Everyone sees you as available, and still open to playing the field and when they do that, you get pissed. 


It is however important that you try to keep all PDAs clean and as nicely discreet as you can so you do not cause others to feel too embarrassed. Let them want what you two have not to be grossed out by the decadence and depravity you showcase.

A big cheer to all lovers who are happy to show their love. And to all the tough lovers, please go all out and show you are proud of your lover today *winks*