Wednesday, 8 April 2015

A FACE THAT LAUNCHED A THOUSAND SHIPS




Kalu didn’t like to think of himself as vain and foppish, he however always made an effort to appear dapper. But the thing was this, as a child he grew up in a northern town where there were only a handful of Igbos and most of them were technicians and traders. The only few available white collar jobs were mostly teaching or being a staff at the Local government office. So he had always disliked the way clothes hung loosely around his kinsmen and he made a silent vow that when he leaves his community and moves to the big city he would be sure to wear nice clothes. 

The answer to his prayer came when he got an oil company scholarship that paid his way through the university and ultimately he landed a job with them after his graduation.

He remembered vaguely that the northern young girls in his community will always smile shyly at him when they walked past. Though that amused him he would later admit to Karen that he had always figured they were interested in him because of his charming good looks and his sense of style.

Let me introduce Karen – she was the new NYSC Corp member in Kalu’s office and the girl Kalu was hooking up with. Kalu thought her pretty and smart enough and definitely someone with whom he enjoyed having conversations but he wasn’t looking for anything serious. But that wasn’t how she refers to their relationship. She sees herself more as the lady of the manor because she had partially moved in with him and of course had her own key to the apartment. She prided herself as the love of Kalu’s life whom he’s just too shy to admit. 

Did I mention that Kalu was definitely a fine guy? Well I think that word quite understated- he is beautiful. Dark skinned, really tall and slim but buff such that you can’t but stop and stare when he walked past. He got so much attention from women at restaurants, clubs and at the workplace. And even a few men also whenever he went to the gym. 

I think that was what made it different with Karen. She obviously made it clear that though she thought him really handsome, -I mean she would have to a blind not to see that-, but she never made much of a big deal of it. She made it clear that she was attracted more to his wit and brilliance. And I guess Kalu liked that declaration because he always got a free pass wherever he went. People fell all over themselves to grant his wishes. So she was a breath of fresh air for him.

Kalu liked to think of himself of not being a womanizer but with such beauty comes the inevitable temptations. He never even had to worry about trying to step up to a woman, because they always seemed to be just waiting for him to make a move and the bolder ones usually walked up to him themselves.

One of such to fall victim to his charm was Zara- The divorced, rich daughter of a wealthy top ranking business mogul. Kalu met Zara at a work function where they had both presented results of their individual research work and he was totally in awe of her articulation and poise that she carried with so much delicateness.  

She was exactly the type of girl he always thought unapproachable. Living in the north he understood the stereotype involved with northern girls dating a southern guy, so no matter much they gave him the come-on looks, he would look the other away. He definitely didn’t want any aggressive father meting out a thousand strokes of the cane on his back.

But somehow he felt drawn to her in ways he couldn’t explain. He quickly introduced himself after the event ended, they exchanged business cards and he began working his magic on her. First he began by helping her with her research work whenever he thought she was smarmed. Before long, they began meeting for lunch and on days he wanted to turn on his full charm he would take her to the movies.  

Zara was endeared by his efforts and of course his treacherous good looks. Without even trying too hard she found herself liking him a lot. Maybe it was because he had the bad boy image, kind of like the forbidden fruit, the devil’s eye candy that attracted her. But before long they began dating. Zara knew with a lot of effort she might be able to convince her parents to come around and accept of her marrying a southerner. But she knew that the possibility of that happening is premised on her ability to convert him to Islam. 

Kalu had become totally taken by her and he began considering an option of becoming a Muslim as that was the only way they could be together. He began reading the revised English version of the Qur’an and Zara explained points that he found hard to understand. But somewhere along the line, Kalu’s stoic catholic mother intervened and so he had to grudgingly walk away. This hurt Zara so much because she had hoped he would convert and so had begun to tell her family about him.

This all happened before Karen got into the picture. Karen was the one to pick up the pieces of Kalu’s broken heart, piece it back together. Of course Kalu had told her about his Hausa lover and how things went awry and so she would tease him light heartedly about his “Omo Hausa” girlfriend. Having seen a glimpse of Kalu’s pain, she felt drawn to him and she inevitably fell in love.

By this time Zara was already sending messages pleading with Kalu to reconsider, telling him how she loved him. When her pleas seemed to fall on deaf ears, she began begging that he not embarrass her in before her family and as a last resort, she switched to sending threatening messages. She had obviously found out about Karen and so was enraged that Kalu had left her for a small girl after the sacrifices she had made for him. 

It got to that point that Karen had to plead with Kalu to ignore Zara’s calls but he wouldn’t. He’d go on about how he understood that Zara was only hurting and she didn’t mean any harm. As expected this began to cause friction between Karen and Kalu. But try as Karen would to walk away she couldn’t. And so she kept feeling helpless in getting her man to be fully committed to her and lay to rest whatever it was that he and Zara shared.

In the height of her frustrations, Karen decided to pay Zara a visit at her office. She stole Zara’s contact from Kalu’s phone and made an appointment under fake pretenses. Upon arriving Zara’s office, she introduced herself and warned Zara to stay away from her man. Zara, angered by such effrontery ordered security to throw Karen out. That was the first lesson Karen was to learn that day, “do not ever visit a rival on their own turf. Meet on a mutual ground and battle it out”. The second lesson she would learn was never to go through your man’s phone and especially with malicious intent. Of Course Zara called to report Karen to Kalu and he was so enraged he packed up Karen’s clothes in a bag, deposited it with the security guy at his gate and sent her a message about where to pick up her belongings.

When Karen got that text message, she felt her world crumbling down. She knew she had messed up but could Kalu just look past it and forgive her? After countless messages apologizing and all phone calls placed ignored, she decided to give Zara a taste of her own medicine. So she found a guy she went to university with who wasn’t one to eschew violence and arranged for him ambush Zara on her way back home from work, give her a scare, slash her tires and smash in her windscreen.

That done, it finally got the attention of Kalu who stormed her sister’s house where she was living to question her about the attack. She feigned innocence and even though Kalu had a gut feeling that Karen was responsible he couldn’t verify and try as Zara might to pin the attack on Karen, they didn’t have any proof so Karen got away.

In a twist of fate, this act of Karen’s obliterated any hopes she had of ever getting back together with Kalu, instead it engendered Kalu’s pity for Zara whom he returned to ask for forgiveness and they resumed dating.

There was one person whom both Karen and Zara loathed her very existence and neither mentioned, -that was Maria. She was Kalu’s first love with whom he had had a kid with but they unfortunately lost the baby to sickle cell anemia. They had met in the university and fell in love as jambites. By the time they were in their final year, she got pregnant. With the promise of graduation and a wealth of opportunity awaiting them, they decided to keep the baby. They however deferred on getting wedded immediately but agreed to share responsibility in caring for the child. But a few days to the baby’s first year birthday, they lost her to a sickle cell crisis. The loss of their baby girl wedged a wall between them and though they loved each other, the pain made them drift away causing Maria to move to Lagos. 

She however got back into the picture when she was selected by her office to head the newly opened branch in Abuja. Kalu ran into her at NEXT Supermarket not far from where he lived. They exchanged numbers and reconnected in a way only two people who were absolutely once in love could. She was still unmarried though had just broken off an eight month engagement because of her move to Abuja from Lagos. As is the feature of lingering embers, the flame between them easily fanned and waxed hot. But Maria never knew of Kalu’s predicament with Zara nor Karen and she often teased him about Abuja girls not having snatched him up long before now but Kalu remained mum about it all. 

But that was before a fateful Saturday morning when Kalu and Maria were watching highlights of a football match they had missed the night before when his phone rang.  The call was from Karen’s elder sister who had phoned to inform him of Karen’s demise. Karen? Dead? How? When? Why? The phone call revealed that Karen was pregnant with his child and because things weren’t working out she decided to get rid of it. It was almost 5 months formed and so she died from complications during the surgery. Karen’s sister had blasted him to high heaven cursing him for not taking his responsibilities and leading her sister to her untimely death. When Maria figured the details of the call, she was cross with him. Maria couldn’t imagine how Kalu put any woman through such heartache when they had both lost a kid whom they loved and how the loss totally crushed them. She was so pained, she packed up her things and left him.

What neither Maria nor Karen’s sister waited to ask was whether or not Kalu knew about the pregnancy. He didn’t. Karen had kept it a total secret from him and now thinking back he knew why she would do that. Karen wasn’t one to arm twist anyone into being with her. And he wished he didn’t understand that about her, because maybe it would have made the pain he felt hurt a little less. Kalu had told Karen about his kid with Maria and how she died, so she ought to have understood that he would never have abandoned his child. But alas she was nowhere for him to confront. She had robbed him of a chance to have another child he could love and had robbed the world an opportunity to experience a beautiful soul like hers.

He couldn’t see how his own anger and selfishness had so blinded him to the pain Karen must have been going through. The pain of such a realization made him call it quits with Zara, he quit his job, put away the women in his life and bade farewell to his family. He sold his car and put his flat up for sale with instructions that the money be deposited into an account. And then Kalu bought a one way ticket to China and enrolled in a soul-finding mission where he joined a spiritual meditation group led by a group of old monks. There, he found peace and began slowly to forgive himself.

Friday, 27 March 2015

LET CHILDREN ENJOY THE FAIRYTALE





Age Appropriate Movies...



It was a Wednesday evening and a friend who was visiting me at my office strong armed me into going to see a movie with her at the cinema. Anyone who is an Abuja resident understands the rush, traffic and crowd that pile up to the cinema on Wednesday, mostly because the cost of viewing movies is slashed by 50% and you get free popcorn and a soda.  Much as I loathed the crowd on such days, I decided to do a little movie schedule search online before we left. I wanted to check to see the movies showing that week, the time, running time, and watch the attached short movie teasers. We decided on seeing the movie “Jupiter Ascending”. I found it was a sci-fi movie showing at 7:05pm about whimsical beings, with the different planets of the universe battling for supremacy and ultimately romance between a human female and a winged extra-terrestrial male. 

The movie seemed to suit our moods and so we began the painstaking traffic laden journey to the cinema complex. After battling it out on the road, we arrived the ticketing stand at 7:00, bought two tickets and all but dashed through the popcorn vending point and into the theatre. By the time we found a seat and settled in it was 7:13pm. Thank God for small miracles that cinemas in Nigeria always start a little late and almost always lead off with previews. I bet they put into cognizance our tendency for using the “African Time” excuse of always getting to places later than stated. 

Thirty minutes into the movie a family walked into the theatre with two children. One looked about 3 years old and the other, maybe 8 years old. At first I thought their entry distracting as they made huge shadow-like reflections on the white projected wall of the cinema and I had to duck this way and that way in an attempt to be able to see the screen. While they looked around for a seat, they chose the row right in front of us and settled in. just as I was silently cursing my ill luck of sitting behind whiny and fidgety kids, the characters in the movie were engrossed in an intense lip lock and were all gooey eyed and just then a host of scary evil villains attack them. And immediately my eyes darted to the kids seated in front when I could almost hear one of them flinch. And all of a sudden I began feeling bad for them.

I remember as kids, we had to struggle to sneak into the sitting room, and then hide behind sofas as the adults watched videos like Nneka the snake girl, Ayamatanga and Anaconda. And when i got to watch Michael Jackson’s Thriller video for the first time, despite the fact that I hid my eyes behind my palms, I remember still getting really scared. And I remember having bad dreams at night for years because of the scenes I had watched. So I worried for these children who were more or less seeing a movie that wasn’t age appropriate. And then my worry switched to anger for the adults who brought them in. Did they not read the age rating? And if they had somehow missed that, what about the cinema security? Didn’t they see them walk in? 

I itched to lean over and ask the parents why they chose an inappropriate movie to bring their kids to, but with the way modern Nigeria doesn’t take too well with any kind of criticism, I decided to mind my business. But since then my palms had been itching to pen something down about this, perhaps parents will learn to pay more attention to the 'Parental Guidance' and age ratings of movies.

It is quite simple, if a movie specifies the age restriction for viewers, it is best we obey it. I for one am still scarred by some unpleasant scenes I saw as a child and these thoughts sneak up on me at unplanned moments, seizing me with fear. And I am an adult, so you can imagine what that may do to kids. Allow children to be children, let them enjoy the fairy tale of life before they are forcefully tossed into living the harsh reality of life. Let them enjoy their innocence while they still have it.
Let them gobble up the simplicity of Spongebob, or the dreamy princess life of Snow White and Cinderella. And then gently introduce them with sound teaching and guidance the ways to go about life. Don't let movies be their first teacher before you get the chance to put them through yourself.

As a famous Vin Diesel quote says... 

"Protect your innocence... 
Our innocence allows us 
to do what the practical mind prohibits"

Monday, 9 March 2015

SOULS THAT NEVER GROW OLD




I read with so much mirth today’s newspaper which had a picture of the “Stiletto race” in India sponsored by the women fashion brand- Elle, to mark the International Women’s Day celebration. It wasn’t so much the funny shot of a lady tipping over in her high heeled shoes but yet remained persistent in reaching the finish line that caught my attention. It was however the subliminal message of women as resilient, valiant, strong and determined to achieve life’s goals amidst hardship that registered with me.

The picture uniquely captured the very essence and soul of a true woman. She is expected to work like a horse, while still looking impeccable and well put together. The imagery of using stilettos to race I believe might have been to show that as uncomfortable as high heels are, a woman wears it as though it was all effortless. She straightens her back, squares her chin and carries herself through this difficult life while looking graceful.

This got me to thinking about the rather ever youthful mindset of women. Though we deal with a myriad of things in the course of our lives, we never seem to tire of giving love nor do we become soulless. And in the grand scheme of things, no matter how much we lose, we are always looking for someone or something to give love to. It’s our blessing and our curse.

Women nurture, birth, cater to, love, feed, and in all these, we do it with a smile. It’s as though we have a will of steel. Being called the fairer sex, I believe has more to do with our ability to show and give love more than the assumption that we are by virtue of their physical composition, weaker than our male counterparts.

Therefore, I dedicate this piece to all women in the world, especially those who have seen so much bitterness, sadness, loss and pain and still yet retained their joy.  In a world that is constantly trying to put women down, segregate, oppress, plunder and pillage its fairer sex, I send this out as a shout of encouragement to all who still stand strong.

To my grandmothers, Dah and Mama Kafanchan who is always full of life and still imitates the way I danced as a kid, I celebrate your joie de vivre today and always. 

To my mother, Momma Jates who’s my pillar and chief disciplinarian, you are loved beyond measure. 

To my aunties, sisters and cousins who have all played pivotal roles in my life, may the Lord’s mercies be upon you all. 

To my friends, who have become sisters, you make the world go round.

Happy International Women’s Day to me and to all women in the world… God bless

Picture after the cut....



 Photo credit: Google 
                       USA today

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

GROWING DISENCHANTMENT OF YOUTHS FOR TEACHING


My favorite teacher in secondary school was Miss Jillian who taught me Literature-in-English. Before she began taking my class, I performed so poorly in the subject that I thought it was the hardest possible thing to decipher. It was rocket science to me. Then she came, like a rainbow cast over a dingy dark cloud. She unearthed the intricacies of literary texts and by the time she left, I could tear apart any literary piece, be it Poem, Prose, Drama and spoken word, critique it and put it back together again.

It had more to do with her cool, calming demeanor, her vast and deep knowledge of the subject and above all, her ability to breakdown complex material and teach it until it enters the densest of heads. She was a miracle for my class and but for her intervention when she did, a lot of the students in my class, and myself in particular would have been lost as communicators or lawyers today.

When I got to the University, I had an equally amazing lecturer. Mr. Jimoh. He knew his stuff and whenever he stepped into the class we paid rapt attention. He would move fluidly from one topic to another with clear precision. He taught us so well that we even went out of our way to personally research topics in the outline so when it was time to take it in class we were more informed and could contribute to the discourse.

I think his proficiency must have been noticed and groomed by the faculty board because he was always chosen to take the difficult courses. In fact, He even made me put to sleep my fear of statistics. By the end of every semester, it wasn’t hard to see that his courses had the highest percentage of excellence among the students. He worked us hard and with persistence and with something akin to the gentle hand of a father. He was literally one in a million of all teachers I had come across.

However, the same cannot be said for many teachers. During my days in school, there were some teachers and lecturers who used terror as a teaching tool. They threatened us into attending class, wielded a dangling axe above our heads to enforcing excellence and appear with a bitter attitude every day to class. Making students despise the course even as much as they despised the teacher. And that always tells on the performance of the student when they rank low. With such brutes as these, little wonder the increased apathy of youths for the teaching profession.

Or those teachers who always have so many stories to tell about their lives. Instead of getting a shrink on whom they should unload their burdens, they use the entire class hour to keep the students abreast of what is going on in their personal lives, totally neglecting the job they were assigned to do.

Of course it is preposterous to ask a teacher to cuddle a student into learning something, that’s the role of parents not theirs. However, you must first know your subject well and then hone skills that make it possible to transfer this knowledge to your underlings.

And what about their remuneration? But a pittance. It is so bad that even those who start off with glowing aspirations of doing their best at impacting knowledge to others become disillusioned and begin to lag at their jobs until all motivation is gone and there is nothing left but a bitter impassionate teacher who just wants to drone on and on in class, leave and await the monthly pay slip. And when it is delayed they are only just so eager to carry out those long industrial actions that lead to strikes that drag into many months.

I know one hard working teacher who has taught for 33 years and yet collects a monthly salary less than what many young people with 5 years’ experience at other ministries receive. She is set to retire in 2 years and yet doesn’t foresee a fat gratuity.

Not surprise there that many young people do not envision themselves becoming teachers but are more enthralled by the glamor of other professions. In fact, the few who do, only do so because they lack something else to do. So they fall back to the teaching career as a plan B, sometimes C or even D. And at that, they aren’t motivated to put in their best. Half the time they skip work so they can engage in other jobs or businesses that allow them glean a bit of money to complement what little they receive as salary.

Teachers are essential to us. Most of us will be nothing without our teachers who invested their time to tutor us.

Dedicated to Jimoh Ibrahim and Jillian Jackden… Most amazing teachers I know.
CC: those teachers who were nothing but angels