DEDICATION TO MY NEXT

DEDICATION TO MY NEXT

It was over the phone, the break up. That is probably the most debasing of all jilting. It made my mind ponder, was there no respect enough to let me speak in defense of my pride? Was i so repulsive he couldn't wait to do it face to face? These questions and many more ran through my mind and i think one of the things that probably sunk me into pits of depression even more than the initial matter at hand did.

When the EX left, it was a difficult time. The whole facade of keeping the brave front came tumbling down. It is more trying for someone who is known to be a "stone cold bitch" to nurse through a heart break. Harder still because you are expected not to feel hurt after all you are a tough nut to crack, thus you should be able to dust your shoe and strut off.

These expectations put me under coersion to act as society expects of me, but those psychological strappings of these societal norms choked me like a strait jacket.

Atleast once in our lives we may have our hearts broken, be it by our own doing or the mischief of someone else. One thing is it really cannot be an easy thing to go through no matter how tough a cookie you are. Not unless you didnt't like the person a whole lot.

Getting through it, i had to build a strong support for myself, and with the help of a close confidant. Problem shared is half solved they say. But what i do is, share some, keep some. Not unless the person has the capacity to take away the hurting. If they don't, then no need baring my entire heart out. Some say that's me being secretive. To me, thats me being calculating, careful and mindful. Not to say it always works, but atleast it gives some kind of peace to feel that i am in control of my life.

Problem with break ups is that many of us don't give ourselves time to breathe after a bad relationship. We just jump right back into another with the hope of "getting under someone to get over the former". It works to an extent, only if you make sure your heart doesn't get involved too quickly. But how do you trust your heart to stick only to its duty of pumping blood and not interfering with your affairs?

Best to give yourself a breather, enjoy being yourself, be selfish, enjoy your own company before making that commitment again. Savour the feeling of being your own person, not Miss A's boyfriend, or Mr B's girlfriend. And when the Next comes along, they should meet a free person, one who is witty, happy, comfortable in your own skin. Not one still pulling the excess carry over burdens from past relationship(s).

This is just my analogy, if anyone thinks different and begs to differ, please do so by all means, the floor is all yours.