This piece in no way relates to the mischievous-matchmaking-talking-toddler
of John Travolta's 1989 romance comedy “Look Who’s Talking”. In fact, its only reference here is because I took liberty to
steal a bit off its title. This write-up is about incommunicado in its meanest
best; In other words, the silent treatment.
In January, my friend Ronke called me late at night to rave
about a guy she had gone on a date with earlier in the evening. I remember the
call came just as I had begun dozing off and I was irritated by the intrusion
to my most revered sleep. But my sour mood quickly dissipated as I got caught
up in her excitement.
They had been match-made by an old friend of hers and had
kept chatting on all social network sites you can imagine for almost 6 months.
The chap was out of the country somewhere in the Americas receiving technical
training, but had just returned to the country. Last night was their first
official face time and I remember how anxious Ronke was about seeing Funsho. Of
course, over the course of the 6 months they had been speaking, an attraction
had grown.
With that 11.30pm call, she had downloaded to me every part
of their evening together and how he had dropped her off at home and placed a
chaste kiss on her cheek, before returning to his car. Ronke was sure she was
in love and she was convinced Funsho felt the same way. I was elated and she
promised to arrange for me to meet Funsho. After meeting him, he made a good
impression on me and I noticed how well he seemed to treat Ronke, - open the
door for her to go through, pull out a chair for her etc. it was almost too
good to be true for a Naija guy to do all that.
Months later, I realized I hadn’t seen Ronke in a while so I
called and invited her for lunch. I noticed she wasn’t her dapper self. So I
queried her and she told me she and Funsho had drifted apart and left it at
that. But upon more query she opened up. For a while he never made any effort
to reach her first and when she did call him, his line was constantly busy, or switched
off. Gradually, her text messages began bouncing back un-delivered. Convinced
that something bad had happened to him, she asked her friend who had match-made
them, only to find that Funsho had left the country and was on posting to some
Non English speaking country in Europe.
The most heart wrenching moment was watching her question if
there was something wrong with her, worrying if she was too ugly, or if she had
a nasty attitude. What she desperately wanted was closure. She wanted to
understand the reason he could possibly have to behave like that. I watched her
grapple with that while I tried my damnest to convince her he was a chicken and
it was his huge loss.
A close female friend of mine also is by far the chief of
“shunning”. When she no longer likes a guy you should see how she avoids him
like the plague. To pick hin call na war. Oya send him a message to explain why
you no longer want to see him, she’ll say “ehn when his brain finally tells him
I’m not interested, he’ll pack his two legs and waka”.
So also, years ago, when there was the craze for blackberry phones, a male
friend of mine also told me how a girl he was dating had asked for a BB. Convinced
she was in love with him, he put together resources and got her a Torch 1,
though he was only a struggling Corper. She showed him appreciation for a while
and then abruptly, she cut off communication with him and tossed him to the
kerb with no explanation.
I have always believed that closure is the best thing anyone
can give anybody they claim to like or had liked. It doesn’t matter if there
was/or there wasn’t a fight, or if you are no longer attracted to the person,
or if you just need a little breather. You should as a matter of fact have the
courtesy to try to explain to the person you are seeing why you can no longer
be together. Explaining yourself doesn’t mean you are wrong, it just means you
respect the other person enough to be honest. Life, is hard enough, why make it
harder still for someone else just so you can feed your over inflated ego?
Ever been in such a situation? How did you deal with it?
1 comment:
Maybe, just maybe some people refuse that courtesy because in explaining to the other, the other either tries to justify or 'correct' themselves to fit forgetting that the explanation doesn't make them wrong or the person right/ ideal; just their reasons for leaving.
That being said, as much as one always wants a closure to effectively move on; if it doesn't come, one needs to learn to still move on. Tis better not to have gotten the explanation than to be lied to as the reason for wanting to leave. Now, that is even more devastating.
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