OF HANDSHAKES AND WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU

Years ago, a wide-eyed me was privileged to sit in with the big ‘uns for a meeting with my company’s clients. My boss had insisted that as part of my training I sit in so I could meet the people we were consulting for and also because I had helped research materials for the proposal we were presenting. After the meeting, while we shook hands with all of them, it was my turn to shake the most senior in rank to the others who was a Northern woman. Having heard that when shaking an elder, one should be subdued, eyes downcast and not clasp their hands firmly, I approached her very tentatively and loosely shook her outstretched palm.  

Good thing my bosses had partially stepped out so they weren’t witnesses to one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. The woman gave me a solid 2 minutes chastisement cum lecture on the right way for a handshake. She felt that the quick removal of my hands from the handshake was disrespectful to her because it seemed as though I was irritated by her. Though she assured me that coming from a similar background herself, she understood my viewpoint, however, someone else might not. In retrospect, I am happy for that afternoon, because I learnt a viable lesson that I will share with you.  

How many of you during a gathering were asked by the speaker to turn to your neighbor and give them welcoming handshakes have experienced a somewhat snooty highfalutin shake? If you have, you will definitely have felt a bit angry. Though I understand that some cultures do not allow for handshakes, especially between different sexes, which is fine, because then you can quietly explain your way out of the handshake. However, if you are disposed to the act, you have to do it well because the way you shake hands says a lot about your person and/or your present disposition. 

A loose, too quick withdrawal of your hands may make you appear frightened. And if you are at a power meeting where the slightest show of fear can be used as a weapon against you, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. 

I have reason to believe that this is common with women especially when they are shaking hands with the men folk. As I said, if you do not feel obliged to shake, please decline. But if you acquiesce to it, you must do it right. It doesn’t in anyway make you appear loose (though why people would even think that is beyond me), on the contrary, it reflects you as smart.

Secondly, in direct opposite, such handshakes could also scream of pomposity, ostentatiousness, pride and self-aggrandizement. In a case where you are trying to gain people’s confidence, that wouldn’t work in your favor. 

Sometimes, it could also epitomize inferiority complex. The consistent feeling that the other person is better than you makes you show reservations when shaking hands with them.  If anything, that’s probably the worst thing, because you will be constantly looking for approval from people.

Handshakes should be full of warmth and should show confidence. Show that you can be trusted and you can be relied upon. It should show that you care about the other person’s welfare especially when sympathizing with someone. 

When shaking hands with people, make sure you clasp firmly the other person’s hand for longer than a mini second. If socially possible, use your other free hand to sandwich the other person’s palm. You can also lightly/fleetingly rest it on their upper arm or shoulder or you can place you other free arm beneath your elbow, supporting your outstretched arm. Maintain eye contact; exchange a smile, a joke, a quick quip before moving on. 

Importantly, you should not clasp the other person’s hands too tightly that it will cut off their blood circulation. No, never do that. Pay attention and take a cue from Heads of States and how they shake hands. They do so with so much confidence which usually works for diplomacy, but specifically, it helps garner respect and trust.

Do not kid yourself that you will get the hang of it when you get to a position of power. Remember, practice makes perfect and you will need all the help you can get to push you on your way to the top. Well, unless you want to remain a big slob cluttering the bottom of the food chain. Lol.