For as long as I can remember, it is generally perceived that women being the weaker sex are more inclined to crave commitment from their significant other. Women are often seen as having more intense emotional and romantic feelings than men. Of course, this is how we are portrayed in movies, soap operas and on TV.
Parents teach their daughters from an early age to aspire towards marriage. Mothers advise them upon coming of age to bring the guys they are dating to the house mostly because they want to prod them towards making a commitment to their daughters. Elder female siblings and married friends will go on a tirade listing all the best possible ways to “hook” a guy so he can begin to make marriage plans. In fact, during reunions, male childhood friends ask single females who are over 20 when they were going to get married and then go ahead to proffer suggestions on what men want. It is an epidemic! Though most of the time these inquisitions and unsolicited advises come from a good place, as usually people just want to see a young woman “marriageably” settled.
Meanwhile, as men are often portrayed to be insensitive as regards romance, very few people ever concern themselves with checking up on them nor inquire about their emotional lives. Neither do they offer advice, all be it unsolicited to them on the need to also vie to put down some root. In fact, when men begin to look for a more meaningful attachment as opposed to the no-string attached assignations and trysts, fellow men begin to jest them. Branding them as becoming soft, ending their game, handing over the baton, or worst accusing them of turning into women or being called homosexuals. This therefore informed this piece.
Over the past few weeks I have been conversing with a very close friend of mine and he opened up to me about his dilemma.
He’s a young, good looking and hardworking chap. Truth is, he is quite a catch (even I had had an eye on him in the past *that's a secret* LOL). Women are easily drawn to him. Probably because he has an easy charm or because he makes it easy for women to open up to. Just as his countenance is open, so is his heart. He opened up to me about being involved with 3 young women who clearly told him that they were in another relationship but they liked hanging with him. Their reasons ranging from him always being there to comfort and offer sound advice to them on how to reconcile whenever they have a row with their boyfriends, to him being a good lay.
As all affairs are, the onset was fun-filled with no-strings attached. He was glad he didn’t have to carry the extra burden of relationships and he could still play the field as there wasn’t any commitment from any of the women. He was living a guy’s dream! However, as time went on he began to have feelings for them and he realized he wanted more than just friendship. He wanted more commitment, but none of the ladies seemed willing to commit to him. They wanted to keep their respective boyfriends, yet wanted a good sounding board where they could vent their issues.
There-in lays his predicament. His head tells him to leave them and hopefully start a whole new, more rewarding relationship, but his heart is wary of letting go. It wants to remain a while longer secure in the familiar.
His situation piqued my curiosity. Men are increasingly becoming truly open to romance and commitment, however society is stifling them. Just as the idiom goes, “give a dog a bad name and hang it”, men are generally stereotyped as being tough and unfeeling. This therefore forces them to assume the ‘hard bad guy’ role even when their hearts just want to give all their love to one woman. Not because they are lonely or are receiving pressure from family to settle down but because they know for sure that is what they want.
This brings me to the obvious conclusion that MEN are just as vulnerable as women and they do also want ROMANCE, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT. Therefore, we should tone down the stereotype and the jesting and give them all the support we can.
Do you agree with me that men are just as vulnerable as women to the emotional roller coaster nature of relationships?
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