MUSINGS……. THE MATTER OF CHOOSING A FUTURE PARTNER

DISCLAIMER

Well, you know me well by now, I am a stickler for professionalism (not bragging). I therefore want to use this opportunity to denounce any direct or indirect resemblance this blog post may have to any individual, situation or place. It is purely coincidental and its intent is not to cause spite or any such ill feeling. So, take a chill pill...LOL

THE MATTER OF CHOOSING A FUTURE PARTNER

The matter of choosing a future partner is very important. I learn that while some people just seem to keep an open mind on this, others create a couple of hard and fast criteria/features which they want their future partner to possess.

Whether it is best to keep an open mind about it all or whether it is best to have earmarked basis of judgments, I cannot tell you, though I believe whichever one works for you, that you must do. However, this write up is just my usual musing and I’m hoping you can muse along with me, share a laugh or two or maybe proffer your own suggestions.

A week ago I put up this status on a social network “That the genetic outcome of my children is halfway dependent on my choice of partner is a sobering thought on its own” and oh my! did I get a lot of responses. One friend jokingly advised I consider him a good match for myself and another just wanted to understand what my silly head was cooking up again. In his words “LOL @Your status….Are you okay at all?”. And my response was “oh well, you know me, it is just one of my Monday morning musings”. And then he quipped “You never seem to be found wanting in that area”.

That, is very true. I am an over thinker ‘if there is such a word’ (I will have to consult my living + breathing dictionary – Jonah – later). Sometimes I wonder about so many things, some sane and some quite insane. But this matter has long been nagging my consciousness.

This post is on the backdrop of a conversation I had with my uncle many years ago, I think I was still in secondary school. We were talking about marriage and I remember him saying, “Baby, which ever man you think you want to marry in future, be sure to give me a heads up early. Because I intend to put into use his many years of detective work and carry out a comprehensive investigation on the man”. His reason, being that he wants to find out every inch of the guy's background and see whether he has got any skeletons in his cupboard or if his family has a history of Epilepsy, and such. It seemed very funny to me then and I laughed and laughed, however, I am now beginning to see wisdom in the latent meaning of his words.

At the time, I was so in love with the idea of love, I was certain that if I ever met a guy I liked, I would marry him ASAP without any care in the world. I carried that attitude through to the university and then my mindset began a paradigm shift. It started slightly, but before long, I was beginning to question my priorities.

At 17, all I wanted was a big, strong, handsome man to sweep me off my feet. At 20, I was looking for a hardworking man, someone who can provide my basic needs (home and hearth). A couple of years later, I have evolved way past that naive and believing girl I was, who wore her heart on her sleeve. I am now looking at a potential partner as someone who is smart, intelligent, driven, an achiever, comfortable in means, and able to provide for me with much more than just basic needs.

Whether this mindset is dumb or whether is it within sane lines I cannot tell. What worries me though is that in today’s society is it alright for a young girl to aspire for all that? Or should we stick to the simple beginnings our parents had?

Should a young girl have to settle for a simpleton just because she is scared that her heart desire of marrying well is too much to ask for? 

Please share your views and thoughts as best and as concise as you can, bearing in mind that many readers are looking forward to your responses to help them make better decisions in life.


Grazie Amico.

Just for laughs...

Jemimah Nikky Jatau: FELICITATIONS! TWO YEARS OF BLOGGING HISTORY

Jemimah Nikky Jatau: FELICITATIONS! TWO YEARS OF BLOGGING HISTORY: "Enslaved By Our Ethnocentrism"  by BLOGGER.... Prima facie people down of the Niger will strike you as more learned than people up of the Niger...

FELICITATIONS! TWO YEARS OF BLOGGING HISTORY

Enslaved By Our Ethnocentrism

Prima facie people down of the Niger will strike you as more learned than people up of the Niger River due to earliest western education taking root first at these regions before it slowly trickled into the hinterlands. However, it pains me that apparently, the great intellect of southern forefathers haven’t well seeped into today’s generation.

I was opportune to go to NYSC camp in the south western part of Nigeria. Mixed in the crowd of 2500 Corp members were many youths drawn from all around Nigeria. A large number being of South-south origin. I made friends with most of them and they turned out to be quite an interesting survey especially a particular young man in my platoon. He was loquacious, a good orator and was considered well learned as he enjoyed spewing bogus jaw breaking words. And surprisingly, he turned out to be the most unique part of my study. He seemed to know so much of Nigeria politics and had a way of dishing out criticisms on how poorly led and represented the polity is. So I was amazed to find out that this fellow was as ill-informed as a regular Joe on the street. 

At first when I introduced myself as Jemima Jatau from Kaduna state, he exclaimed “oh Aboki”. I laughed because I thought he was only trying to be witty. Then the following day, gathered at a platoon function, I led the Christian prayer and I noticed his mouth was agape. After the prayer he requested a moment with me to inquire as to where I learnt to pray the Christian way. I was much in a hurry so I just informed him I am a Christian and it seemed his jaw dropped even more. Apparently, my dear southern new friend had no idea there are Christians in Kaduna State of northern Nigeria. In so far as you are north of the Niger, you are irrevocably Hausa and a Muslim. 

He was flabbergasted that I had no Hausa accent (the type they see portrayed in home videos). When I tried to explain to him that I have a language separate from Hausa, you could see the confusion written all over his face. I realized he wasn’t as vastly read as he liked to portray. I tried to inquire from him that how come I, a northerner who had never been to the South prior to NYSC knew there is an array of languages and tribes in the South? I knew well enough not to refer to an Ikwere man as Igbo, so also did I know that an Ibibio man doesn’t want to be mistaken for an Efik person. In the same vein I knew that an Egba man will prefer not to be referred to as Ijebu. Also, knowing better than to call a Kalabari person, Annang.

This ethnocentrism wasn’t unique only amongst Southerners,  but also, among the entourage of northerners that I traveled with there were a few stoics too. Eavesdropping on their muted conversations you could hear the unmistakable woe in their tones. Many were apprehensive about the kind of reception they will receive in the south. On camp they will cluster themselves in homogenous groups, refusing to strike friendships with southerners. Sometimes, they referred to me as “Bayerbiya” which in Hausa means “Yoruba”. That was because I went out of my way talk to people and to understand their cultures. In fact I picked up the love for my favorite meal “Amala ati Abula” then. I joined the Calabar dance group, learnt the dance and even the songs and performed for my Platoon. Many people wagered that I was Efik and when I told them I am a Northerner, you can see the shock in their faces. 

I cannot understand why it is so difficult for young people of this generation to learn a bit of history about other Nigerian tribes. A large number of us know States and Cities of USA and Europe but still mistake Jebba Local Government of Niger State with Jaba local Government of Kaduna State. It’s so sad because I am sure our parents made better efforts in their prime to mix with other tribes, as most of what I know of the peoples of Nigeria, I learnt from my house when I was still a child.

Ultimately though, I was happy that when I educated this fellow on the diversity of the peoples of the north he seemed interested in learning more. So I felt my tirade wasn’t in vain.

I also had a falling out with a close Yoruba friend of mine a while back. He was the boisterous sort, his arguments can be heard from wall to wall every time. But when it came to simple pronunciations of indigenous Nigerian names he was the definition of ignorance. In so far as the name isn’t Yoruba I can bet you he would pronounce it as if it were a strange term from outer space. One day we were having a political conversation and he pronounced a name as “Tockor” and I was lost. I wondered what he was talking about? It took me a minute in deep thought to realize he meant “Tukur”.

 Honestly, this isn’t rocket Science. All we have to do is pick a book and read, ask questions and keep an open mind willing to learn. From a very early age I had learnt that the Yoruba name “Sade” isn’t pronounced as Sade but as /sha’de/. I knew how to pronounce names like “Gbolahan” and “Ogunbowale” in a way that will rival a typical Yoruba man’s pronunciation. So why couldn’t people extend the same intellectual courtesy and learn about other cultures?  

We let ourselves to be ruled by our egocentrism, tribalism and ethnocentrism that we lose sight of what is really important. That in being “We” as a nation, and not “I” as a particular tribe or geographical setting we will achieve so much more. We are quick to put down our leaders today, but we youths will be the leaders of this great country tomorrow. If we cannot learn such simple things about our nation now, do we honestly think we can achieve it in future?