THE DEATH OF CHIVALRY

On a rainy Saturday evening, I sat on a high top stool, my feet dangling, and my elbows resting on the bar slab with my fingers laced through each other. My purse placed on the counter, my gaze fixed ahead, on an invisible spot and I believe I would have won the “World’s Most Bored Person’s” look. I was supposed to be on a date with this chap I had met once. I had been postponing the meeting for so long that I finally gave in to having a drink with him so I don’t come off as snooty. I really should have cancelled because of the bad weather but since I had agreed to it the day before I decided to go ahead with it. In retrospect, I wish I knew beforehand that it would be a downer double for me (-a rainy day and the worse date ever).

Though he was to pick me up, I suggested I should find my way there. That being my number 1 get-out plan (so if I find the date horrible, I could easily slip away and head for the nearest exit). Upon my arrival, Mr. new guy wasn’t there. He was 30 minutes late even though he assured me he was already in the neighborhood. On arrival, he offered his apologies sparingly which I accepted nonplussed. 

When the waiter arrived, he took the obsolete chauvinist stance with me, going ahead to make my order for me without asking me what I wanted. Domineering the conversation, having a few too many drinks and becoming touchy-feely. Soon, all he wanted to know (all be it thinly veiled) was where I worked, where my family was, how attractive my take home package was and if I took vacations abroad. And at the end he asked if I could go Dutch and pay a part of the meal. Why I sat through that dinner, I sometimes slap myself over, but at least it inspired this piece.

Men nowadays have lost almost if not all the chivalry that guided men growing up in the 50s. Some of us remember having fathers who opened doors for women to walk through, spoke pleasantly to all female acquaintances without sexual overtones. Men who provided for their families and when they weren’t able to they never commandeered the resources of their wives. Men who picked up the bills. 

Today, many young men are eager to find a financially suitable wife who will provide for them and/or complement to their lifestyle, forgetting it is ordained that they be providers for their family. Many women are major sources of income in their families, yet, they still happily carry out the function of home management.

And many young boys are quick to castigate a young woman who dates an older guy, forgetting that a psychologically mature woman is naturally only drawn to a similarly mature man. Take for instance, a woman who holds a 12 hour per day job, do you honestly expect her to be drawn to a superficial man who probably still sags his trouser and whines about how a friend of his borrowed his Timberland boots and refuses to return it? 

 Men are quick to dust out old antics by saying a man Is naturally the hunter yet they do not practically provide for their woman, they don’t encourage her in her academic or career pursuits. They find her intimidating if she dares to have an opinion on how she wants certain things done. Calling her obstinate, stubborn, and rude because she doesn’t kiss the floor you walk on. C’mon, she’s your partner not your maid.

Men are quick to judge young women they date with the standards of their mothers which isn’t all bad, after all they say, ‘a man marries his mother’. However, they fail to exemplify the chivalry that undoubtedly endeared their fathers to their mothers. After all, the ye ol’ tradition is for men to love their wives, and their wife should submit to them. That is the instruction. There is a precondition for your woman submitting to you, you must love her and wife her. And remember "it isn't love that doesn't show/express". Love her first and love her right, then her submission will come naturally without you even requesting for it.

 There’s something men are missing, you can’t eat your cake and have it. If you want your wife to contribute to your lifestyle (financially, socially) you must be able to equally happily accept that she may be opinionated. If however, servitude is what appeals to you, by all means pursue a woman who sees you as her god. But do well to remember that women are the corniest people you in the world. A woman could pretend for years (without you having the slightest clue) to be the servile woman you want, but by and by her real color must unravel. 

So wouldn’t you want a smart woman who knows what she wants, yet when she chooses to be with you she does that wholly? Do not be the laughing stock of the society when you finally marry the “perfect docile, long skirt wearing, scarf tying wife” only to find out after the wedding that she is a just a call girl on sabbatical cum a junkie (as is the case with a judgmental young man I know).

DISCLAIMER….. I saved this for last for a reason

As i usually say, i do not claim to know anything more than everyone, but what little i have experienced, i share, first to entertain and maybe who knows, to enlighten also. 

This piece does not in any way seek to view men as villains, nor to absolve women of blame. If anything, we women are just as guilty. A guy once confided in me that though he tries to be a gentleman towards all women, it is difficult to do so, as most of the women he meets are superficial. They believe because “They Are Woman” a man’s existence is only to provide for them. Put them up on a golden pedestal, polish and worship them and then still grovel at their feet. If you are one of such delusional women, well I just don’t know what to say to you, but please dust the scales from your eyes. It is a man’s world, and they have made it clear time and time again, they are never going to relinquish their post to us. So submit to your own husband!

***Just as this article bears no name or inference to anyone, I regret in advance anyone who feels it is directed at them or feels insulted by this, for it is pure coincidence. To reiterate, I am no ‘feminist’ (you know, the widely derogative term the media now uses to refer to the new generation woman who hates men), but I advocate for the respect and valuing of women in every society. 

 ‘nough said, I take my bow…

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