MARRY FOR LOVE OR FOR MONEY?

Dare I say; why not both?

People are quick to judge a woman who marries above her class. Gold digger she’s called. When she marries below her class, she’ll be called ‘mumu’. A man marries a richer woman who most likely may be older, he is termed a gigolo, ‘woman wrapper’ and worst when addressed in Hausa Language it’s “Mijin hajiya” which in direct translation means a Vegetable, -the husband of a madam. Or a rich guy/girl who only seeks out similarly rich girls/men to date/marry, people will call them haughty and vain. Seldom will you hear anyone speculate about the possibility of love in the mix. Well, why does anyone have to choose? Who said you cannot have the best of both worlds? Hannah Montana certainly did… (LMAO)

I was having a discussion with a friend who recently broke up with her longtime boyfriend. She was distraught, first, because she thought that relationship would lead to marriage and second because she felt she had invested too many resources in such a fruitless endeavor. Though he had no money at the present she was patient with him in the hopes that in future when God blesses him he will take care of her also. But this is not to be as he found someone else to leech on. Quite bitter, she told me that she doesn’t think she can be that selfless again in future relationships and will only now consider someone who comes with a lot of money.

It was funny, and I’m certain she expected me (being a voice of reason) to chide her, however I couldn’t bring myself to do so. I knew she had lost a lot both materially and psychologically so she needed something to help her recoup. But a major reason for siding with her analogy is because I too, had really begun to consider that and who am I to chastise her for her line of thought?

Marrying for both Love and money is probably the best reason for anyone getting hitched. Notice I highlighted the word Love right? Well that is to enunciate that love is obviously the ultimate and material comfort it’s penultimate. Here are a few reasons I believe it is not a bad thing to aspire towards marrying for financial gain.

1.      Climb in your career.

How many lowly born men and women do you see being renowned in their careers today? A man will painstakingly strive to excel at his field of interest but if the father doesn’t have money, or at least have a solid family name, success is still afar off.  In fact, many self-made women who by divine providence have managed to attain some success in their careers are quickly tagged “runs girls” because they dared to aspire more than their lowly upbringing. So, when you find a potentially rich spouse who can assist in hoisting your career up, why not go for it? Even if you are tagged a gold-digger, at least its only one Well you are digging from, and it is a less derogatory title than being called “runs girl/gigolo”. LOL     

2.      Companionship with comfort.

Companionship is essential in a marriage. Someone you can talk with every day and always without tiring of him or her. While that is quite hard to achieve if you have to see the same face for the rest of your life, wouldn’t it be good to be able to afford to enjoy those days when boredom comes knocking in comfort? On such days you can take a leisurely stroll around the garden of the mansion you live in, or soak in a tub or throw a party like Gatsby. *Hehehe*

3. Absolve one’s self from guilt.

This comes in the case of a rich/non-rich union, where one spouse is much richer than the other. There may be some guilt that will spring up when the richer one wants to spend a lot of money to get an expensive personal item. For instance, if a pair of shoe tickles your fancy and it costs more than the income of your partner, you will definitely feel guilty about purchasing it even if it’s well within your ability. To avoid such, it is easy to see why such a person will seek out a potential spouse within the same financial level.

4.      Ease of travel.

To fight boredom, redundancy, and to take a break from the usual routine, holiday getaways are good to boost your romance and ultimately make stronger your love. Wouldn’t it be so nice if all you needed to go shopping in Paris or Vienna is your handbag? If you could travel anywhere in the world at a moment’s notice?! 

Also, if you aren’t so wealthy, this is also beneficial for you. For instance, going on trips as a couple truly helps you save cost than if you had to go alone. It is like getting the value for two at the cost of one. It is so much more fun going to different countries or towns as a couple, you are also treated with more courtesy and respect than if you go alone. Hoteliers may be happy to boost your accommodation from basement lodgings to the honeymoon suite when they see it is the Mr. and Mrs. *winks*

5.      Social reputation.

If your aspiration is to move in the circle of the crème de la crème, well who says you shouldn’t marry up if that will help get you that? Is it wrong to want something? Some people want luxury cars and no one castigates them for wanting that. Some want to be in the Guinness World Book of record and that’s fine and dandy, so why should you be worried over being ridiculed and referred to in pejorative terms just for wanting to roll with the big boys and girls *askor*.

6.      Financial Stability.

Some people just cannot do broke. They are psychologically, biologically, socially, culturally wired and fashioned to not accept anything less than what they want. It’s been drummed into their heads from infancy that they aren’t allowed to follow nor consider marrying someone of a lesser financial status. 

Like a childhood boyfriend of mine, many years ago, whose uncle had in no unclear terms stated that he wasn’t to date any girl who didn’t live in the posh areas of Abuja. He was only to consider asking a girl out who lives in areas such as the Minister’s Hill, Aso-Villa, Legislative quarters and the likes. I was incensed when he told me, ‘cause that meant, he dating me was kinda like slumming! However, now, I think I understand where his uncle was coming from. It could have been that since he had hustled for all that he's got, he didn't want his nephew to be with someone who was only going to milk him dry.

  

Drawing the curtain…

It is true when they say money doesn’t buy you love or happiness, but I say, sometimes just love isn’t enough to keep you when there is crisis. Therefore it is better to cry in a chauffeured Rolls Royce than on a bicycle.  

So, insofar as you are sure you can cope with the rules/guidelines of engagement expected for marrying and staying married with someone of much higher social strata, Knock yourself out, love. 

Whatever your inclination and perception, (to marry for love, money or both) it is important that we make the decision ourselves so that whatever may be the consequences of our decision, we only have ourselves to question, forgive and then start moving on as we learn.                                                                            

My candid advice though is that if you are leaning towards choosing money, you should try as much as possible to bring into the marriage something valuable also. If your spouse is the money bag, please ensure you come with your Ghana Must Go Bag of experience, filled with street smarts, investment knowledge, home making skills, etc. Please do not come empty handed, or you might be forced to leave the way you came in…

Please share your opinions on this.

#OkBye!

                                                                                             

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