Monday 2 November 2015

ANOTHER PLACE; ANOTHER TIME - Cont'd

Watching her leave was probably one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I wanted to drag her back and kiss her thoroughly again, but I didn’t want her to feel cornered into spending the night with me, it had to be her own decision. I walked into my room, checked my phone, saw missed calls from Anna, and immediately rang her back. I apologized for not taking her calls earlier and told her I was meeting with my company’s rep at the lounge and decided to have a few drinks. Little did I know that that would be the beginning of weeks of lying.

It seemed like eons while I waited for Tina to return. I glanced at my wristwatch every few seconds and listened intently for activities coming from outside my door. Sitting at the side of the bed, I pulled off my loafers, grabbed the TV remote from the bedside table and flicked on the TV. I turned down the volume and reached for a can of beer from the mini bar. Just then there was a gentle knock on my door, I dropped the can on the dresser and walked across the room to open the door. There she was, face washed clean of makeup, in pajama bottoms, a tank top and a robe hanging open. I smiled and let her in. I hugged her to me as soon as I shut the door and drank in the fresh scent of vanilla and I figured she must have had a shower. Immediately, I felt bad that I hadn’t bothered with a wash.

We sat down side by side on the bed, and I handed her a fizzy drink while we munched on some gummy bears and shared a chocolate bar from the minibar. Tracks from Songs of Innocence, the latest U2’s album were playing quietly from the iTunes folder on my laptop that was on the reading table. We shared some jokes and she got up to make this really cute imitation at the way our boss walks that got me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. That’s typical of Tina, she always knew how to make me laugh. Out of the blue I blurted out “so tell me about any guys in your life that I should be jealous of” immediately I said it I almost regretted it. Half of me was hoping she would say she was seeing someone, maybe it will make the guilt I felt slightly bearable. And the other half of me cringed at another guy laughing at her jokes, being amused by her goofiness and worst, touching her in ways I desperately wanted to.  

Somewhat to my relief, she took a sip from her soda can with her other hand on her hips as she answered casually. “Well there’s Tunji or rather there was” she said and left it at that. My curiosity got the best of me and I prodded “so what happened there?” so she grudgingly continued. “We were together about a year but he got a job with the University in the UK where he had completed his Master’s degree and so left some months ago. So the relationship kind of fizzled out since he hadn’t hinted at the possibility of the relationship leading anywhere”. I watched her face as something akin to sadness flashed even as she quickly shrugged it off. I wanted to do everything in my power to make that pain I had glimpsed never return. “Come here” i said to her, patting the bed beside where I was sitting. She walked over gently and sat down. I draped my arm over her shoulder and placed slow kisses on her temples and her cheeks until I felt her smile under my lips. I moved to her lips and nibbled gently and she soon began to kiss me back. We laid back on the bed side by side with our feet still on the floor as we kept kissing for what seemed like hours. I soon felt her slow down and begin to dose off and so I pulled her up on the bed, and then dragged the cover over her.

I sat up beside her, leaning on the headboard watching her chest rise and fall with each breath, amazed at how beautiful she looked asleep, with the corners of her lips curved slightly as though in a smile. And all of a sudden it struck me at how much I wanted to watch her sleep like this beside me every night. I wanted to wake up to her every morning. I wanted to have her eyes flick open and find me watching her sleep. I wanted to kiss her every day, hear her high pitch laugh that always warmed my heart. I wanted to watch her try to give me that fake small smile she usually puts up for others and then tickle her until she bursts out in that genuine smile she only gives a select few.

The thoughts in my head almost made me reach out to kiss her awake and then make love to her all night long. But instead, i got out of bed, rummaged through my box till I found some sweat pants and running shoes which I pulled on and sneaked out to the 24 hour gym at the ground floor. Glad to see a trainer in sight, I took off my T-shirt, leaving only the under singlet inside and headed towards the weights. But on closer inspection of the night shift trainer, I noticed he looked quite exhausted. So instead, I requested for some boxing gloves and went on a rampage on the punching bags until my knot in my heart uncurled and I had worked up a sweat.

I showered in the gym to avoid waking her up when I returned and found one of those soft padding bedroom shoes to wear. Back in my room, I quietly let myself in, undressed and then climbed into bed with her. While I tried to pull the cover over me, she stirred and turned her back towards me. So I moved in closer to her until her back was a slight whisper from touching my chest and I placed my hand over her hips gently still trying not to rouse her. But she sidled even more closely till we were fused together so perfectly I didn’t know where my legs ended or where hers began.  Our breathing matched as though we drew in air and released at the same tempo. I never remembered being so much at peace.


Knowing the end from the beginning didn’t help here. As hard as i tried to protect my heart from falling, I fell for her without even knowing when. And having her in my arms right now felt like home.  And I thought to myself, maybe she is my soul mate, and for the first time that I could remember, my well-ordered life had been turned upside down. And I began to think that running away never felt this welcomed. Is it possible to leave everything and everyone behind and just run? Maybe we could move to Australia and join a hitch hiking community? Those beautiful images lulled me to sleep with a smile on my face.  I would deal with life’s woes when tomorrow comes. But right now all I wanted to focus on was Tina and I on a beach somewhere far away. Yet a creeping thought plagued my mind, and I kept thinking- another place another time, we would make the perfect couple, but soul mates don’t always make life partners, do they?