MICROWAVE GENERATION: OF THE TRIVIALIZATION OF SEX AND AMORALITY

In case you were wondering what the microwave generation is, it means youths, young people, adolescents; basically this internet “smart” age. The generation that wants everything and anything now! By virtue - the impatient, foot-tapping generation. 

Sex in time past was seen as the connecting of two people’s souls through their bodies. Something two consenting adults did with utmost exclusivity. However, it soon became one shared between people who believe they are in any of the various levels of relationship and/or love. 

Today though, it’s basically what everyone does. Even between people who do not like nor can stand each other. We young people are more and more confusing “infatuation” and “anger” with ‘love and passion’.  I know that some people are already raising their noses, looking for reasons to scoff this piece, and Yes, I know that it is a bitter pill to swallow but someone has got to say it. 

We spend a whole lot of time talking about sex, watching images which portray sex and viewing media with sexual underlying and we expect sex not to permeate every aspect of our lives? Let’s be real, the more you expose your mind to something, the more your thoughts easily churns it and then it translates to all that preoccupies your mind and gradually all you want to do. Don’t forget the proliferation of abhorring stories that trend in the news of teachers who molest the young minors put under their charge.

Or the increasingly disturbing matter of we young people who no longer care about developing ourselves mentally, socially, culturally or emotionally but are quick to brag about our sexual prowess. Viable discussions between a man and a woman that could lead into decent personal and or business relationships very easily segue into matters of sexuality. After, the basic introductions of “what’s your name?” (And in cases where your name doesn’t easily give away where you hail from, they ask) “what state are you from?” it switches to “what is the craziest sexual thing you have ever done?”

Educational background, moral dispositions, plans for the future, and the likes take last place in such discussions. And we wonder why we are aren’t very progressive despite the wealth of human resources? 

Social media isn’t helping. People who could never garner up courage to approach you in real life will bombard your inbox with incessant solicitations for sex. “Send me a sexy pic of yourself” or “I have been noticing your profile and I really want to get to know you better, can you come to my house?” Or like the young man who attempted to break into the female locker room where i and a friend were in at a public pool 2 weeks ago! Well that's a story for another day, but this makes one wonder how such people were raised; by a pack of crazy, randy dogs? 

This brings me to the matter of parenting. It pains me so much that parents aren’t doing their job as well as twas done in time past. Your child/ward comes home on vacation from school and you allow them entertain friends from the opposite sex in their rooms, unchecked, un-chaperoned! Parents buy their young children provocative clothes and are always eager to comment on how well their daughters’ boobs and buttocks are developing. Do not think this farfetched; I am sure some of us have met parents like that. 

Gone are the days when our mothers will scream their teenage children’s heads off if they wore a dress which exposes their breasts. Now, all in the name of “modernity” parents condone wanton behaviors from their children. Some even defend themselves by saying, “its better they do it in front of us other than do it behind our backs”. But the thing is they will have no idea if what they are doing is wrong. If you hammer in the negatives I can tell you positively that they will lean towards what’s right, if only to please their parents. And if they try to prove headstrong, please give that “old time koboko reset” a trial. When done with love, it never did kill anyone.

If you have a reason to be cynical please go on by all means. Though God forbid that I should assume a sanctimonious position, nor take a ‘Holier-Than-Thou’ stance, but some things just bear saying. We have to learn to re-prioritize and besides if we can’t be blunt with ourselves, who will we be honest with? 

This is my own 2 kobo.

Happy Children’s Day to all the young ‘uns out there. 

May they grow to be great leaders of tomorrow.

Please don’t forget to say a prayer for the children captured by Boko Haram… And for these few who have escaped, for healing and renewed strength. #BringBackOurGirls #HealOurLand

STAGES OF ADULTHOOD

Disclaimer:      This is probably going to be a controversial post as I suspect there may be a few people who will have their sensibilities bruised by this write-up. So, I apologize in advance and I beseech that you try to keep an open mind in all this.

I came across a study featured in an issue of TIME Magazine which opined that there are four phases or stages in a person’s life which qualify for the attainment of the state of adulthood. They are; College, Career, House and Children

The study centered on adults in general and women in particular, with obvious reasons as women are usually more inclined to wanting a family life more than men and as such are more involved in the upbringing of their offspring. This study was aimed at stating what stage a woman was at in her life and how she felt about her status. Whether she was fully satisfied with what she has attained or if she feels something is still lacking. 

After reading the article, i asked a young lady who was accomplished in her career, what stage she felt she was in her life and how good or bad she felt about it. She said she was at the third stage in the adulthood life and she was quite happy with where she was. So I asked her if she did feel bad about not having any kids of her own and she told me matter-of-factly that she didn’t, and she couldn’t be swayed into guilt because it was a personal decision to not have kids yet. She had a man who adored her and who just like her wasn’t very eager to start procreating yet. But if and when they feel the time is right, they will start trying to.

This got me wondering. I have noticed that these days there is so much clamor in the society for young people to marry, procreate and fill the earth, but here is a curious question, do all adults want to have their lives patterned in that exact way? 

Recently, I hear young women throw around the “Miss Independent” card much more than they did 5-10 years ago. But despite their clamor of wanting to enjoy the single lady lifestyle they are secretly pining to get hitched and make a number of babies so people wouldn’t worry them. This makes me wonder, why do people allow themselves to be shackled by other people’s opinions? I spoke with a few ladies and I think I got an insight as to why. These insights I’ll share with you all now.

First, of“Parents expectations”. The other day my momma and I were having one of our rare marriage conversations and she was encouraging me to consider getting married now that I am young so that I can have the whole childbearing part over soon and get back with my life. You see the problem here is that she didn’t even ask if I wanted kids. This explains the parental mindset where they expect that all their kids must procreate just as they did before them. This puts young women in a dilemma as they want to please their parents, but they also want to please themselves. I know a certain young lady who is terrified of raising a child as she feels she will make a terrible mother, but she can’t risk saying that out as she will be thought as one who has mental issues.

Then there is the “Wider family” – Aunts, Grand Aunties, Cousins etc; who feel they have an opinion on how you should live your life. God forbid that a lady gets married and one year later she hasn’t shown them the fruit of her loins, the bad mouthing that will ensue can’t be fathomed. Being called barren is just the tip of the iceberg.

Third, Friends. You would think that as an adult, peer pressure shouldn’t bother one as much right? Sorry to surprise you. Married friends who have had a kid or more feel it is their divine calling to encourage you to give the child rearing thing a go. Whether it is because they are really enjoying the lives they have built for themselves, or for purely selfish reasons I often wonder.

Forth, Literature. You read all those Mills and Boons, Harlequin romance, and such books as “How to be a real Lady” “How to make a home” “A good wife material” and things like that and you expect not to feel pressured? Seriously?!

Last, Society and religion- These days, it is common knowledge that it is difficult to get men who understand the sobriety and bounds expected of marriage. This is why when a young lady meets a man who wants to do right by her and marry her, she is overjoyed to immediately start having kids if only to keep the man occupied in an attempt to take his mind away from outside distractions i.e other women. As regards religion, “go forth and multiply”. That is the dogma so many people stick to. 

Many only look at marriage as for procreation. What about partnership, love, comfort?

It perplexes me as to how parents can abandon their children to their own devices, and/or send them out to dangerous paths to source for income to support their parents, forgetting that it is the duty of parents to take care of their children.

In all honesty, I believe there is so much more to life than conforming to other people’s opinion about what pattern your life must take. There are some people who have no business being parents, (for instance child molesters- physically and emotionally). So why do they feel the need to bring a young ‘un to the world only to raise them up terribly? Isn’t it better to not give birth because you don’t want kids, than to perfunctorily acquiesce to breeding just to please others and then don’t take care of or maltreat your kids? 

So, I throw the question back to you. What stage are you in your life? Do you feel accomplished? If yes, why?    If No, why not?

EXCITEMENT THAT LEADS SOMEWHERE

If God ordained to give

One gift for all my days,

I’d want the way He loves

To permeate my ways – Verway

I have been procrastinating writing this piece. Every time I start, I get overwhelmed by a feeling of melancholy and pain. At the onset I was just too angry to have to write a sad piece hoping that in a little while this storm will pass and a rainbow would appear to cast the cloud away. However, as time went on, I only became more bewildered. 

With the increase in quantity of people murdered, kidnapped, villages being razed and such number of ill happenings blowing off the roof day by the day, this has somewhat desensitized us as to what these people who are affected really represent. This is numbing especially to those of us who live in somewhat peaceful areas who in a quest to maintain our sanity have had to learn to mentally exclude ourselves from such sadness acting as mere spectators.

Thousands of people are victims of bomb blasts and other dastardly acts of the insurgent group that has held our dear country bound for years. For the staggering number of those young girls carted away right from their schools it proves an even more chilling reality. But they are more than just mere statistics, they are children who are loved by their parents and family.

True, we cannot all join the Military or the civilian JTF nor march to Sambisa forest and liberate these girls. But for those who have joined protests and are at the fore front of the campaign, raising the #BringBackOurGirls banner high, may your strength and dedication be daily renewed. 

However, for some of us who haven’t been opportune to lend our voices, what we can do is pray. Let this buzz of excitement go somewhere, let it not wane, till something amazing happens. Let us pray for these girls and for their family who miss them sorely and want them back, doing so without ceasing. Not the lackadaisical attitude we would otherwise have, but dedicating our all in seeking God’s face amidst this crisis. And for all perpetrators of this evil, with their sympathizers and those who politicize the pain of others for their personal cum selfish reasons, there is a special place in hell for them all.

I believe that God in his benevolence will deliver those held captive, and we will in turn have reasons to have a good cheer.

God bless Nigeria

ARE MEN BECOMING THE NEW “WOMEN”?

For as long as I can remember, it is generally perceived that women being the weaker sex are more inclined to crave commitment from their significant other. Women are often seen as having more intense emotional and romantic feelings than men. Of course, this is how we are portrayed in movies, soap operas and on TV. 

Parents teach their daughters from an early age to aspire towards marriage. Mothers advise them upon coming of age to bring the guys they are dating to the house mostly because they want to prod them towards making a commitment to their daughters. Elder female siblings and married friends will go on a tirade listing all the best possible ways to “hook” a guy so he can begin to make marriage plans. In fact, during reunions, male childhood friends ask single females who are over 20 when they were going to get married and then go ahead to proffer suggestions on what men want. It is an epidemic! Though most of the time these inquisitions and unsolicited advises come from a good place, as usually people just want to see a young woman “marriageably” settled.  

Meanwhile, as men are often portrayed to be insensitive as regards romance, very few people ever concern themselves with checking up on them nor inquire about their emotional lives. Neither do they offer advice, all be it unsolicited to them on the need to also vie to put down some root. In fact, when men begin to look for a more meaningful attachment as opposed to the no-string attached assignations and trysts, fellow men begin to jest them. Branding them as becoming soft, ending their game, handing over the baton, or worst accusing them of turning into women or being called homosexuals. This therefore informed this piece. 

Over the past few weeks I have been conversing with a very close friend of mine and he opened up to me about his dilemma. 
He’s a young, good looking and hardworking chap. Truth is, he is quite  a catch (even I had had an eye on him in the past *that's a secret* LOL). Women are easily drawn to him. Probably because he has an easy charm or because he makes it easy for women to open up to. Just as his countenance is open, so is his heart. He opened up to me about being involved with 3 young women who clearly told him that they were in another relationship but they liked hanging with him. Their reasons ranging from him always being there to comfort and offer sound advice to them on how to reconcile whenever they have a row with their boyfriends, to him being a good lay.

As all affairs are, the onset was fun-filled with no-strings attached. He was glad he didn’t have to carry the extra burden of relationships and he could still play the field as there wasn’t any commitment from any of the women. He was living a guy’s dream! However, as time went on he began to  have feelings for them and he realized he wanted more than just friendship. He wanted more commitment, but none of the ladies seemed willing to commit to him. They wanted to keep their respective boyfriends, yet wanted a good sounding board where they could vent their issues. 

There-in lays his predicament. His head tells him to leave them and hopefully start a whole new, more rewarding relationship, but his heart is wary of letting go. It wants to remain a while longer secure in the familiar.

His situation piqued my curiosity. Men are increasingly becoming truly open to romance and commitment, however society is stifling them. Just as the idiom goes, “give a dog a bad name and hang it”, men are generally stereotyped as being tough and unfeeling. This therefore forces them to assume the ‘hard bad guy’ role even when their hearts just want to give all their love to one woman. Not because they are lonely or are receiving pressure from family to settle down but because they know for sure that is what they want.

This brings me to the obvious conclusion that MEN are just as vulnerable as women and they do also want ROMANCE, INTIMACY and COMMITMENT. Therefore, we should tone down the stereotype and the jesting and give them all the support we can.

Do you agree with me that men are just as vulnerable as women to the emotional roller coaster nature of relationships?