CLOSURE: ‘ LOOK WHO ISN’T TALKING ANYMORE’

This piece in no way relates to the mischievous-matchmaking-talking-toddler of John Travolta's 1989 romance comedy “Look Who’s Talking”. In fact, its only reference here is because I took liberty to steal a bit off its title. This write-up is about incommunicado in its meanest best; In other words, the silent treatment.

In January, my friend Ronke called me late at night to rave about a guy she had gone on a date with earlier in the evening. I remember the call came just as I had begun dozing off and I was irritated by the intrusion to my most revered sleep. But my sour mood quickly dissipated as I got caught up in her excitement.

They had been match-made by an old friend of hers and had kept chatting on all social network sites you can imagine for almost 6 months. The chap was out of the country somewhere in the Americas receiving technical training, but had just returned to the country. Last night was their first official face time and I remember how anxious Ronke was about seeing Funsho. Of course, over the course of the 6 months they had been speaking, an attraction had grown.

With that 11.30pm call, she had downloaded to me every part of their evening together and how he had dropped her off at home and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, before returning to his car. Ronke was sure she was in love and she was convinced Funsho felt the same way. I was elated and she promised to arrange for me to meet Funsho. After meeting him, he made a good impression on me and I noticed how well he seemed to treat Ronke, - open the door for her to go through, pull out a chair for her etc. it was almost too good to be true for a Naija guy to do all that.

Months later, I realized I hadn’t seen Ronke in a while so I called and invited her for lunch. I noticed she wasn’t her dapper self. So I queried her and she told me she and Funsho had drifted apart and left it at that. But upon more query she opened up. For a while he never made any effort to reach her first and when she did call him, his line was constantly busy, or switched off. Gradually, her text messages began bouncing back un-delivered. Convinced that something bad had happened to him, she asked her friend who had match-made them, only to find that Funsho had left the country and was on posting to some Non English speaking country in Europe.

The most heart wrenching moment was watching her question if there was something wrong with her, worrying if she was too ugly, or if she had a nasty attitude. What she desperately wanted was closure. She wanted to understand the reason he could possibly have to behave like that. I watched her grapple with that while I tried my damnest to convince her he was a chicken and it was his huge loss.

A close female friend of mine also is by far the chief of “shunning”. When she no longer likes a guy you should see how she avoids him like the plague. To pick hin call na war. Oya send him a message to explain why you no longer want to see him, she’ll say “ehn when his brain finally tells him I’m not interested, he’ll pack his two legs and waka”.  

So also, years ago, when there was the craze for blackberry phones, a male friend of mine also told me how a girl he was dating had asked for a BB. Convinced she was in love with him, he put together resources and got her a Torch 1, though he was only a struggling Corper. She showed him appreciation for a while and then abruptly, she cut off communication with him and tossed him to the kerb with no explanation. 

I have always believed that closure is the best thing anyone can give anybody they claim to like or had liked. It doesn’t matter if there was/or there wasn’t a fight, or if you are no longer attracted to the person, or if you just need a little breather. You should as a matter of fact have the courtesy to try to explain to the person you are seeing why you can no longer be together. Explaining yourself doesn’t mean you are wrong, it just means you respect the other person enough to be honest. Life, is hard enough, why make it harder still for someone else just so you can feed your over inflated ego? 

Ever been in such a situation? How did you deal with it?

OF TEENAGE LOVE AND LOVE LETTERS

The year was 2000, the much talked about, anticipated and yet dreaded millennium that was to herald the end of time. Jesse was in his final year of secondary school and Bea was a year behind. It was evening at a special graduation party held for graduands organized by the school. There was a flurry of activities as younger students tried their best to entertain the graduating students amid cheers and applause, but the lovers were oblivious of it. They sat side by side holding hands while they recapped the events of the past few years, mulling over what the future held in store for them. Jesse stared long and hard into Bea’s eyes and spoke sotto voce, “I will marry you someday. Definitely not right away but someday. Then, I will buy you a car so you and our child won’t have to ever climb ‘okada’ I’ll also build you a majestic house. I will really work hard to provide all you will ever need”.

Bea was ecstatic, and in her ever effervescent manner, she hugged him tightly and told him, “yes, we will do all that and even much more. But for now you should have fun at University while I try to graduate high school which will definitely be so lonely without you. And if God tarries and wills, He will work out a beautiful life for us both.” Jesse replied in his usual quiet voice, “Just promise to wait for me Ok?” And Bea nodded.

 The lovers had begun dating 2 years ago when Bea had transferred to the school from an All-Girls Junior secondary school. But now, with Jesse's impending departure from school in a couple of days, gloom hung over them like a thick fog. He was moving almost immediately to a university in the West where he had secured an admission with his GCE to study Engineering, and Bea had predetermined to apply to a University far North upon completion of her secondary education. With this knowledge, they sat quietly as dusk gathered, imagining the pain of having to be apart for a long time.

Later that night, when Bea returned to the dormitory, she pulled out a special shoe box where she kept her valuables, with a larger part of that being Jesse’s letters to her. She pressed a couple of them close to her face and inhaled the scent that still lingered on them. They had created a routine of spraying the letters with whatever perfume they were using that period so they will feel close to each other. She read a page off one of them and placed it on her chest then she dog out the Walkman radio Jesse had given her with the several selections of their favorite songs and hit ‘play’. She sang along to their favorite Dido track, tears in her eyes while she fell into an exhausted sleep. 

That was 14 years ago.

TODAY

Bea rolled unto her back and rubbed her massive tummy. Even half-awake she felt sore, but when she felt the familiar kick against her swollen abdomen a slow smile spread across her face. Just then, she felt she was being watched, she turned into Jesse’s handsome face watching her and her smile got broader. The years have been kind to him. He had filled up his lanky frame and was quite a hunk. She was sure if the baby took after him they would be forced to get a huge Rottweiler to chase boys away. That thought brought a lazy smile to her face.

“Good morning babe, I just love watching you sleep” he crooned. That sing-song baritone always did something to her insides and she could already feel the blood flow down south. “Morning darling” she replied, and snuggled in closer for a cuddle while he rubbed her arms and back. As she raised her face up for a kiss Jesse teased “and she brings that sexy mouth of morning breath”. They both laughed, warmed with the knowledge that this was their favorite time of the day when they talked about everything and nothing. Sometimes they loved watching the sun come up and transforming the lazy dawn into a splash of colours and sometimes they totally forgot the world outside and just sidled up for some TLC.

While snuggling and making out, Bea’s mind wondered to the highs and lows their relationship had endured. Of course there had been major fights, even those that lasted for years where they hadn’t spoken to each other. But as her best friend in secondary had always said “yours is a match made in heaven” and now, she was inclined to believe so.  Bea broke the cozy silence then. “Sweetie, remember when I almost married Obi 2 years ago?” Jesse made a scoffing sound and responded “if you hadn’t called it off when you did, I was ready to walk up during the ceremony and ask the Reverend to halt the nuptials”. They both laughed reminiscing on that rough patch. “You know”, Bea said, “I was only doing so to spite you right? You two are so different; I wanted to punish you even if it meant punishing myself also. How dumb” she said with a shake of her head. “You have always been such a stubborn gal” he said jokingly in a faux igbo accent.

“What say you, let’s spend the entire day in bed let me rediscover all your happy tingly spots again” Jesse said, moving to partially straddle her and began kissing her neck. With eyes already darkening with arousal, Bea brushed him off “no no no, we have to unpack that huge box and arrange the nursery. We have been procrastinating this for a month now”. They grudgingly left the bed and ambled to the tiny pink bedroom that was to be the baby room adjoining to theirs. Bea and Jesse had both gone to Bea’s family home to pick up a few things in anticipation of the arrival of the baby. They were sentimental things Bea’s mother had saved up from when Bea was a baby and some personal things she had left when she had still lived at home.

While unpacking and arranging the items around the room, Jesse came across a dainty leather and opened it. At first he didn’t recognize the papers and thought them garbage. Bea wobbled over and realized they were the love letters Jesse had written to her years ago. They both poured over them, laughing at the absurd exaggerated cursive they had forced their writings to take so as to increase the aesthetics of the letters. One letter caught their attention and the words soothed their hearts. It was in the words Jesse had written to her the first month they began dating in secondary school…

 “I saw you earlier walking with your friends, your hair tied in a red ribbon and you were just breathtaking. My friends just kept whistling commenting on how lucky i was to score a babe like you, as though I don’t already know that myself *laughs*. I hope you do know how much I love you sweetheart and I can’t wait to marry you and have many children with you. I hope our children have your beautiful hair”

Gently touching his face “awww Jesse, you have always had a romantic streak, even though you try to keep it bottled up inside that hard exterior. But I have always seen beneath all that stoniness” Bea said. “Oh shut up and bring your cute lil ass here” Jesse replied with a repartee, half rebuking, half cajoling, while he gathered her in an embrace teasingly cupping her ass to buttress his point.

….. Let’s just say the nursery wasn’t fixed that day. They played out their teenage fantasies… well, with a big tummy getting in their way, but they were just as happy. It was theirs - their own sign to show true love exists and they had that.

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