THE MORAL DILEMMA: GREY SHADES OF LOVE

…Because everything isn’t so black and white

There is an analogy that says “love is 90% pain and 10% joy. But when with the right person that 10% can make you the happiest person alive. Well that was the case with Faye; a young woman in her late 20’s who’s steadily inching towards the big 3-0 which puts her in a tight spot. She met Abdul 6 months ago at a business lunch organized by her office and he was there as a business analyst. Though from two very different cultural backgrounds, they hit it off well.

They talked about everything and nothing. They were close friends, though with a hint of chemistry all embedded in flirtatious innuendos. Abdul is tall, light skinned and in her words “He is my perfect spec, too bad we’re just friends. Though if I ever needed one, he will be a very welcomed distraction”

Abdul seemed honest. He told her about his estranged wife Fatima with whom they have an adorable - though sickly 7 year old daughter, but are now separated while they work out the legality of a divorce. Their union had been prearranged by his family and had gotten married very young without knowing what they wanted. They are both from influential families and the union was more about a political merger, so the sure and impending divorce would break his Parent’s hearts. But he was sure that’s what he had to do because he was really unhappy in the marriage.
 
At that time, Faye only saw him as a friend so she tried her best to be there for him at such a difficult time. She assisted in preparing him food every now and then as a proper Yoruba girl. When he was in a really low mood she would take a bottle of wine over and hold hands with him while he emptied his sorrows to her. It was during one of such comfort therapy sessions that Abdul leaned in and kissed her. Faye later disclosed that she knew she should have resisted, but at that time she had begun to feel really close to him and felt it wasn’t such a terrible thing, after all she was only offering him some comfort. 

However in the weeks that followed, they became inseparable. They spent their free time together, either at his favorite hangout spot or indoors watching movies. That was when Faye began to feel something more for Abdul. She found herself thinking about him at odd times and how his text messages immediately warmed her heart. She knew she had it bad, but she was unable to stop the feeling.

Just then Abdul began to say those sweet things that only men know how to. Words like “you make me so happy. I really do like you and I wish we could spend every moment of every day together”. And as a soft and loving girl, Faye began to fall harder. She spent all her weekends with him and they planned amazing trips. Here was the problem though, at certain times she felt guilty. He wasn’t officially divorced from his wife so she was a side chick. As much as she tries to convince herself otherwise, the creeping suspicion returns. What if this separation is only temporal and he goes back to Fatima? Or worst case scenario, what if the story of the separation was all a lie? But then again she asks herself “what reason would he have to lie to me?” and she would push the thought far from her mind.

One late Saturday evening, Faye lounged at her's and Abdul’s favorite restaurant. She had been contemplating how best to break a sweet news that had been bubbling inside her since yesterday. She had visited her Ob/Gyn and was informed she was 4 weeks pregnant. She guessed Abdul would be pleased because he had always said how he loved and wanted more children. Especially one who wasn’t sickle celled anemic, like his daughter. Just then his phone rang rousing her from her reverie. He had gone to the gents and since the shrill of the phone was beginning to attract the raised eyebrows of other diners she picked up the cell phone. Without paying much attention to the caller ID, she hit the answer button only at the last minute to see it had Fatima’s name. Immediately she put the phone to her ear, Fatima’s voice purred through “Hello baby, sorry to disturb you, I know you said you will be at meetings throughout the day but very quickly, What time do you want me to pick you up from the airport?”

Faye immediately hung up the call and dropped the phone in her lap like it was scalding hot. Which in honesty she had been burnt, maybe not physically but definitely emotionally. Her heart sank and she could feel it breaking, it was almost palpable. “Baby”? So they weren’t estranged as he claimed? He’s been lying all this while, living a double life! Just then Abdul surfaced, walking towards her in that slow confident gait of his. She got up, picked up her bag and stormed out of the restaurant. She had no idea where she was walking to but she knew she had to get out of there. 

After days of crying and wallowing in a pity party and calling herself every harsh name available on the surface of the Earth she was faced with the ultimate moral dilemma. Of course she knew that carrying on with a married man was wrong, but what she knew better was that she couldn’t keep such a man’s child. He was a liar and a cheat and doing so would only keep her glued to him forever and she would never be free. 

Deep was her contemplation, should she choose to terminate it and run like a bat out of hell? Or, should she keep it, after all it was a part of both herself and the Abdul she had fallen in love with. But bearing in mind that its very existence may bring back the hurting and the inevitable pain of such an epic fail, could she bear to do it?

DISCLAIMER

Names and references in this piece are all fictional and if it bears any resemblance to anyone or circumstance, it is pure coincidence. I want to firmly state that my writings (and short stories such as this) are works of fiction and through them I let my imagination run wild while also attempting to share the experiences of people who cannot themselves express their thoughts and feelings.

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