I am sure some of us
remember the story of Peter Pan of Neverland who never ages and acts with
carelessness and fearlessly cocky behavior. The character created by novelist
and playwright J.M. Barrie that ruled our growing up years and was the source
of several adaptation movies over the years.
Well, the Peter Pan Syndrome is a phenomenon
akin to that of the story book character. It refers to today’s younger generation
who show unwillingness to grow up and their corresponding immature nature is
evident through their lack of development of a sense of responsibility. These are childish men and women who fail to assume adult - social,
psychological, emotional and cultural responsibilities and roles. Those young
adults who are still dragging around an invisible umbilical cord.
There are several
possible factors that have contributed to this plague. Yes, I call it so,
because it isn’t normal grownup behavior for an adult to refuse taking up
responsibilities that come with adulthood.
First reason might include
over-protectiveness of today’s modern parents: That many modern parents grew up poor
and impoverished and have managed to claw their way out of poverty is no excuse
to over cuddle your child. It is true that the world is a hard place and you want to
protect your beloved offspring, but that is no excuse for you not letting them
face their own battles. Like a 30 year old son who barely graduates from
university and has never held a job, being given a house and car by mommy
dearest without working for it. The car is maintained, fueled and cared for all
by the deep (and sometimes could be shallow) pockets of Mommy. As such, he has
no inclination to ever hold a decent job through which he could personally earn
his wages. 
Or like a young man I
met sometime back, who stated rather arrogantly that all he needs is a
pittance paying job (just something to say he is employed and has somewhere to
go every morning) and then he will get married. After all, his father is rich;
and will take care of all the ceremony/festivity costs for him. All he has to do
is show his intention to a young woman and then take her home to show his father.
This brings to mind
the story of a grown chap whose parents have always taken care of his family.
They pay the school fees for their grandchildren and support with provisions
and groceries for the house, while they also provide him with some pocket
money. It is from the same pocket of his parents that he takes trips abroad and
he has never earned a dime in his life. He doesn’t even work for his
parents. To him they are just alive to serve as his human ATM Machine. Thus
making him totally inept at taking care of his responsibilities.
Or the overzealous
father who wouldn’t let his educated daughters secure jobs for fear of them
being stressed and harassed. And would rather have them sit at home every day
while he pays them an allowance.
Second reason is the rising costs of
living. It is true that we
now live in a highly inflated society where 5 Naira can no longer buy you
anything, so most parents are forced to step into the role of financial
providers and care takers for their kids. This goes on even after these
children are fully grown, probably bald and now have their own families.
Therefore, instead of now being heads of their new family they are forced to
still receive guidance and instruction from their parents.
Third reason is the increased difficulty in finding satisfactory
partners. This spurs most parents into stepping in to help find a future
partner for their children. Hence the arranged marriages we see where every
problem a young couple faces they have to run to their parents for help and
advice. Or of overindulged young men who are constantly looking to marry a woman who fits
into the image they have of their mothers who will take care of them, and still
be a wife.
Fourth, are adults who are too
emotionally attached to their parents.
These are adults who
as kids had constantly needed acknowledgement and approval from their parents
hence even as grownups they still continually seek to please their parents.
They never stand up for what they want, and only accept to do what their
parents had planned for them even if it makes them unhappy. 
I know a young woman
who is almost 30years old and still refers to her mother as
"mommy". I do not mean what she calls her mom when they are together,
because no matter how old you may be you will always be your parent’s baby, but
I mean in discussions. For instance we may be talking about something as
serious as putting together retirement accounts for our parents and she will
chime in, “ehn, my Mommy doesn’t really care about that, my mommy has told me
not to let that bother me for now” and my mouth will always hang agape.
So, would she also
need her mother’s approval before she buys things no matter how mundane, not
realizing that she is now a full grown adult who should have a grown mind to
make decisions on her own. I believe the way a person relates and responds to
their parents says a lot about whether or not you are mature.
The one thing all
those who suffer from this phenomenon share is that they probably stopped
growing past one stage in their lives. Most of them never grew past secondary
school where everything they wanted was provided for whether or not their
parents could afford it. This therefore elongates the normal period for which
they are to be reliant on their parents and now expect that it is their right
to request for things from their parents and in like manner, the parent’s
responsibility to make it readily available to them.
Little wonder we
now have many privileged kids who are a thorn in their parent’s side. Beside
the ones attempting to blow up planes, there are the ones threatening to kill
their parents when they refuse to grant them a request. Or of one privileged University drop out i
know very well, who was over pampered as a child and now steals the
parents money and jewelry to sell, whenever they cannot afford to oblige his requests.
If you suffer from
this phenomenon, I ask that you grow up please! One day your parents will be
gone and I fear for your sake that you don’t go through a bender when you
realize that the apron strings to which you were attached to your parents have been severed. And dear over attached
mommies and daddies, please do not guard your children too tightly that you hinder them from growing. Give them a push so they will take up their own responsibilities.
