Watching
her leave was probably one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I wanted to
drag her back and kiss her thoroughly again, but I didn’t want her to feel
cornered into spending the night with me, it had to be her own decision. I walked
into my room, checked my phone, saw missed calls from Anna, and immediately
rang her back. I apologized for not taking her calls earlier and told her I was
meeting with my company’s rep at the lounge and decided to have a few drinks. Little
did I know that that would be the beginning of weeks of lying.
It
seemed like eons while I waited for Tina to return. I glanced at my wristwatch
every few seconds and listened intently for activities coming from outside my
door. Sitting at the side of the bed, I pulled off my loafers, grabbed the TV
remote from the bedside table and flicked on the TV. I turned down the volume
and reached for a can of beer from the mini bar. Just then there was a gentle
knock on my door, I dropped the can on the dresser and walked across the room
to open the door. There she was, face washed clean of makeup, in pajama
bottoms, a tank top and a robe hanging open. I smiled and let her in. I hugged
her to me as soon as I shut the door and drank in the fresh scent of vanilla
and I figured she must have had a shower. Immediately, I felt bad that I hadn’t
bothered with a wash.
We
sat down side by side on the bed, and I handed her a fizzy drink while we munched
on some gummy bears and shared a chocolate bar from the minibar. Tracks from Songs of Innocence, the latest U2’s
album were playing quietly from the iTunes folder on my laptop that was on the reading
table. We shared some jokes and she got up to make this really cute imitation at
the way our boss walks that got me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.
That’s typical of Tina, she always knew how to make me laugh. Out of the blue I
blurted out “so tell me about any guys in your life that I should be jealous
of” immediately I said it I almost regretted it. Half of me was hoping she
would say she was seeing someone, maybe it will make the guilt I felt slightly
bearable. And the other half of me cringed at another guy laughing at her
jokes, being amused by her goofiness and worst, touching her in ways I
desperately wanted to.
Somewhat
to my relief, she took a sip from her soda can with her other hand on her hips
as she answered casually. “Well there’s Tunji or rather there was” she said and
left it at that. My curiosity got the best of me and I prodded “so what
happened there?” so she grudgingly continued. “We were together about a year
but he got a job with the University in the UK where he had completed his Master’s
degree and so left some months ago. So the relationship kind of fizzled out since
he hadn’t hinted at the possibility of the relationship leading anywhere”. I
watched her face as something akin to sadness flashed even as she quickly shrugged
it off. I wanted to do everything in my power to make that pain I had glimpsed never
return. “Come here” i said to her, patting the bed beside where I was sitting.
She walked over gently and sat down. I draped my arm over her shoulder and placed
slow kisses on her temples and her cheeks until I felt her smile under my lips.
I moved to her lips and nibbled gently and she soon began to kiss me back. We laid
back on the bed side by side with our feet still on the floor as we kept kissing
for what seemed like hours. I soon felt her slow down and begin to dose off and
so I pulled her up on the bed, and then dragged the cover over her.
I
sat up beside her, leaning on the headboard watching her chest rise and fall
with each breath, amazed at how beautiful she looked asleep, with the corners
of her lips curved slightly as though in a smile. And all of a sudden it struck
me at how much I wanted to watch her sleep like this beside me every night. I
wanted to wake up to her every morning. I wanted to have her eyes flick open
and find me watching her sleep. I wanted to kiss her every day, hear her high
pitch laugh that always warmed my heart. I wanted to watch her try to give me
that fake small smile she usually puts up for others and then tickle her until
she bursts out in that genuine smile she only gives a select few.
The
thoughts in my head almost made me reach out to kiss her awake and then make love
to her all night long. But instead, i got out of bed, rummaged through my box till
I found some sweat pants and running shoes which I pulled on and sneaked out to
the 24 hour gym at the ground floor. Glad to see a trainer in sight, I took off
my T-shirt, leaving only the under singlet inside and headed towards the
weights. But on closer inspection of the night shift trainer, I noticed he
looked quite exhausted. So instead, I requested for some boxing gloves and went
on a rampage on the punching bags until my knot in my heart uncurled and I had
worked up a sweat.
I
showered in the gym to avoid waking her up when I returned and found one of
those soft padding bedroom shoes to wear. Back in my room, I quietly let myself
in, undressed and then climbed into bed with her. While I tried to pull the
cover over me, she stirred and turned her back towards me. So I moved in closer
to her until her back was a slight whisper from touching my chest and I placed
my hand over her hips gently still trying not to rouse her. But she sidled even
more closely till we were fused together so perfectly I didn’t know where my
legs ended or where hers began. Our
breathing matched as though we drew in air and released at the same tempo. I
never remembered being so much at peace.
Knowing
the end from the beginning didn’t help here. As hard as i tried to protect my
heart from falling, I fell for her without even knowing when. And having her in
my arms right now felt like home. And I
thought to myself, maybe she is my soul mate, and for the first time that I could
remember, my well-ordered life had been turned upside down. And I began to
think that running away never felt this welcomed. Is it possible to leave
everything and everyone behind and just run? Maybe we could move to Australia
and join a hitch hiking community? Those beautiful images lulled me to sleep
with a smile on my face. I would deal
with life’s woes when tomorrow comes. But right now all I wanted to focus on
was Tina and I on a beach somewhere far away. Yet a creeping thought plagued my
mind, and I kept thinking- another place another time, we would make the perfect
couple, but soul mates don’t always make life partners, do they?
