Africans are by nature quite
obsessed with respect and this obsession may be predicated on our cultural
upbringing. I remember while growing up we had some neighbours who whenever
they came to the house knelt on both knees to greet my mom. In the same vein,
we in turn had to return same to their parents anytime we go over to their
house to play. And God bless your soul if you didn’t do that, then you will be
reprimanded in the strictest of ways.
From time immemorial I had a daily
ritual. As soon as I wake up in the morning, I matched to my parent’s room to
greet them good morning, then proceed to render same obeisance to my aunts,
uncles and elder siblings. That caught on for a long while before I ditched it
as one of my attempts at a stubborn juvenile emancipation.
This matter of respect reminds me
of an ex-colleague I worked with a couple of years back. She was cool alright
and couldn’t have been more than 10 years older than I am and we got off well.
Though now that i think about it, I believe it was mainly because she thought I was older than I
really am. I have been told that I act quite mature, guess i am an old soul.
Anyway, this colleague seemed okay
with me calling her by her first name until for some reason she stumbled upon
one of my credentials and figured out my age. Since then, things changed and she
began to Lord over me at any given opportunity, though I did my best to ignore
her. Until one day she sequestered me at the office toilet and informed me flatly
that she did mind the way I called her by her first name. Saying she would prefer
if in future I used the prefix of Mrs or Madam while addressing her. It seemed
to me like something from a standup comedy. See me see wahala. Well, I thought since
it was so damn important to her, I mentally reset my mind to always include
that prefix to her anytime I addressed her.
What’s curious about this is that I
never respected her less when I called her by her first name, so why did she
feel the need to crave for a ‘Madam’ title? In fact, by the time I began
calling her madam, whatever ounce of respect I had for her diminished
considerably. And please note that she
never extended a similar respect to me. Instead, she bossed me around more than
she did in the past. Including, leaving me to do her work, while I barely had
time to do mine.
Recently, I was at a wedding and the
MC called the chairman of the occasion to the high table but the chairman
refused to rise. Apparently, he is a Chief of some sort in his hometown so
without affixing his title, he refused to acquiesce to the invitation and kept
the occasion at a stand still for several minutes. It was only until his aide
walked up to the podium, collected the microphone from the MC and called the
entire names of the said Chief before he walked to the high table.
At Lasgidi a couple of weeks back, I
was hanging out at a spot with some of my friends and a top European expatriate
Mark who was my friend’s boss. It was a fun night and we talked about
everything. Gradually the discussion shifted to this matter of respect and how
Africans and maybe Nigerians in particular could give their right arm just to
be referred to as Mr, Sir, and the most revered “Oga or Madam”.
My friend who worked with other
Nigerian men in the same company with portfolios lesser than that of Mark told
us that if he ever called anyone of the other Nigerians by their first names,
he was sure they would plot to have him fired. But not Mark. In fact, Mark could
not possibly fathom why on earth he could possibly want to be referred to as
Mr. Mark. In his opinion it will make him seem unapproachable to his
subordinates and that, he couldn’t stand. While we joked around the table
referring to him as Mr. Mark, my oyinbo brother became miffed.
Same with my bosses, whenever they
introduce themselves to people whether those closest to their age of even much
younger, they tell you their first name only. One time I asked Papi why he did
so, and he informed me that it is himself he’s introducing. It is his father
who is Mr. Papi. So I began to wonder,
if whites and other Nigerian with a certain kind of exposure cannot be bothered
about this eye service we do here, why do we choose to be rope ourselves with
it to the point of strangling ourselves?
I have some very tiny cousins who
will gladly call me Aunty. They could practically worship the floor I walk on
but I would never have that. To me, it will only distance me from them, making
me unapproachable and somewhat like a cold distant relative to them. Besides,
what will it benefit me? They already respect me as it is, do I now want them
to revere me? Haba!
In our society it is normal for us
to use the Madam, Oga, Egbon, Yaya titles. Since it is so for people you are
older than to respect you, why would you feel the need to affix a title to your
name? This I believe is just an extreme case of vanity and aggrandizement.
Do not get me wrong, I am not
implying that we respect our elders less. All I am saying is that we also must
respect those younger than we are. There’s no place where it is written that it
is the sole responsibility of the young to respect elders. It is a ‘give and
take’ relationship. When you respect people, you in turn get respected yourself.
#Word.
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