20 Things Men look for in an ideal girlfriend/potential spouse?

Letter: From Blogger

It’s Friday! And I’m sure most of us are in high spirit preparing for the weekend. Well I want to further add to your excitement…. It is my pleasure to inform you my esteemed readers and followers that “Jemimah-Nikky Jates Blog” is diversifying. And to better bring to your computer/mobile device screens the best of fun stories, this blog will be featuring stories from other writers. 

So let me introduce you all to our featured writer Austin .U, with his very first story for this blog. This story is an off-shoot of his observation of relationships between men and women over time and he has come up with answers to the question most women ask; What do men really want in women? 

To whet your appetites and to maintain suspense, I will publish the second edition of this story next week. Please read up and thank me later *winks*.

20 Things Men look for in an ideal girlfriend/potential spouse?

By Austin - Freelance writer and fashion stylist

A lot of women think that quality and emotionally stable men do not exist. Believe it or not, they do and they aren’t looking for the all-too-perfect woman, supermodel, or the girl next door with gigantic boobs and ass, but for an ideal match; a woman who is down to earth, not selfish, sweet and sensitive to his needs and understands how he thinks and acts. In line with that thinking towards women, men want a woman who…

1.      Is Confident and Secure.

There’s nothing more attractive and sexy to a man than a woman who is confident, secure and feels perfect in her own skin and believes in herself. This type of woman has done her inner work and feels really cool about who she is. She’s probably looked in the mirror several times and loves what she sees each time, without seeking a man’s approval to know if she looks good. She does not have to be rich and famous or gorgeous, but she does have to live her life from a place of meaning and purpose. She is the type of woman that hasn’t waited around for so long for a prince charming to come and rescue her and build a life for her. Instead, like a diva, she creates her own world and rules it. When the right man comes around, she tries to merge their worlds without giving up everything she’s created. This means that she does not drop her friends, family, and life’s purpose simply to become part of a man’s world.

2.      Knows What She Wants.

When a woman knows what she wants, it is evident even in the way she expresses herself. Men are attracted to this because they know upfront if she is a contender or a pushover. This kind of woman does not waste time with situations or people that doesn’t fit in into her perception of what is ideal. When a man encounters a woman who appears not to know what she wants, it signals to him that she does not know her worth, and may end up not wanting her in a few days, weeks, months, or years.

3.      Can Communicate Effectively

Communication is the most essential part of any relationship. This applies to both verbal and non-verbal communication. Men are not active communicators; hence it’s only natural for them to want a woman who speaks to them in a concise, comprehensive and straightforward manner when it comes to expressing her needs. A lot of women live under the assumption that men already know their needs even without communicating it to them effectively. Men like it when a woman tells them what they want and how best it can be delivered. His goal is to make her happy, and when he has the information on how to accomplish that, he feels confident that he can do it. A woman should have a good command of language. No man likes his ideal woman to embarrass him in public with her poor grammatical expressions.

4.      Is Intelligent.

Acting like a bitch may be appealing to boys, but not men; know the difference. What real men want in their ideal woman is a woman who is smart and can stand as their equal. Not just the beauty, but a brain to back it up. Intelligence is a total turn on for men. Like the saying goes “Show me the woman you’re with and I will tell you the man you are”. No man wants a woman by him who is perceived as dumb because that would rub off on his personality. When a man meets a woman, he first assesses her level of intelligence. Take it or leave it, most men die before their wives; hence we have a record of more widows than widowers. Every man craves for an intelligent woman who can stand for him both in his business and the family when he is no more.   

5.      Is Not Bossy.

Most guys do not and will not welcome the idea of having two Bosses; the official Boss at his work place and the woman in his life. Ironically, when a man first meets a bossy woman, he might think this character trait cute, for a while. However once he starts to feel like he is in a grammar school and being told what to do, and what not to by his second grade teacher, he will have no choice left but give his woman her own walking papers.

6.      Understands Him And Doesn’t Want To Change Him

Men are most leery of women who lurk everywhere, trying to change and not accept them the way they are. Most women claim to love a guy just the way he is, but little by little she chips away just about everything about him. First his wardrobe, his choice of music, his hobbies and most importantly his friends. Most times women tend to forget so fast that a man’s friends formed part of who he is before she met him. She shouldn’t expect him to just push them over just because of her presence in his life. Never forget that those times when the moods are not right and she’s not available, those same old friends always got his back. 

7.      Is Playful.

Men like women who do not take everything too seriously and can laugh at their jokes. Playful women have no time to nag. They joke often and this is what breeds happiness in a relationship. Men love to play and would love a woman whom they can be themselves with, a woman who expresses her playfulness and sense of humor without fear of being judged. There is a child in everyman wishing to be set loose, and it feels best having such moments with someone they are attracted to. Every man wants a woman who they can play with and make them laugh sometimes… and guess what? Laughter is the best aphrodisiac a woman can offer a man.

8.      Is Not Suspiciously Jealous.

Men look for women who are not suspiciously jealous, nosy and on the edge at all times because she is very distrusting. Most women have been burnt in a past relationship; so they are on guard for anything that feels wrong. When a man first meets this kind of woman, he sees her as a damsel in distress and wants to reassure her that he is nothing like that guy in her past. However, once she accuses him one too many times because of her suspicions, he will have no choice but to leave her because he can’t go through his life being persecuted for somebody else’s crimes.

9.      Respects Him

A man wants a woman who is able to make him feel like he is the man that he is and even better. He wants her to respect him for who he is, not what he does, or how much money he has. Men who are emotionally healthy and financially stable do not want women who are controlling, self opinionated or bossy. They want a woman who respects their place as the man in the relationship, a woman who will treat them with respect and love.

10.  Is Honest

Men just like women need someone they can trust. If a man doesn’t trust a woman, he is definitely going to keep a lot away from her. Trust is earned. A woman who gives her man reasons to trust her is a Never-Let-Go for any man, every man sees her as a potential spouse. Men like and look out for a woman who keeps things open and honest, and does not tell white lies as little as a text message from an old guy friend. Once a man knows he can trust a woman, he lets her in into every aspect of his life.

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Hope you enjoyed your read. Check this blog next week for continuation on this piece.

If you think you write well and would love to see your features, articles or stories published in this blog, please contact me via  jtjemimah98@yahoo.com and let’s discuss.

Thank you all for the support. God bless.

ARE WE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHO WE ATTRACT?

Many times I read and/or hear people say/imply “we are responsible for the kinds of people we attract to ourselves” and for a while I think I believed them. But I am beginning to question the logic behind that. Are we therefore saying that fate, the elements, circumstances and then sometimes personal choices play no part in determining the type of people that seek interest in our lives?

I noticed that people are quick to judge a young girl who dares to dress “all out” complete with heavy make-up, thigh length clothes and artificial eyelashes. We call her a slut and go ahead to opine that she would only meet guys who want to have their way with her and then dump her. In fact, we begin to make the girl think that what she thinks makes her happy may yet be her bane. Don’t we think we are being a bit rash and basing all our judgments on physical outlook? Forgetting that she may just be a young girl seeking an expression of her youthfulness? 

We often are so prudish that we assume that any guy with tattoos and a “worldly” look is most likely irresponsible, and is only out for a quick *wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am* lay. 

So also do we say that a girl who dresses more conservatively is a “good” girl and will definitely meet a sweet nice guy who will sweep her off her feet and take her to the altar. 

Girls begin to feel that if there is a line of tailored suit guys seeking their affection, it means they are responsible and so are attracting “the right” kind of guys. And if on the other hand, they have had a couple of hopeless flirts seek them out, they begin to feel that they probably have a problem and  may be putting out a bad aura that attracts such guys to them. Forgetting that extroversion does not translate to making them a prey to flirts and as such there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.  

But experiences have shown me that the seemingly “bad” girls who make it clear that they do not care if society thinks of them as “baddos” are the ones who usually have it all. – The youthful exuberance, the fun, the great guy, the great wedding and the great family.

 It may not mean that being bad is good, but i think in the course of being “bad” they learn to distinguish between a good man and a pretentious man. They learn to sieve through facades until they uncover the right man for them and not just swallow everything hook-line-sinker. Most importantly, they have seen it all, so when they choose to marry, they are doing so because they have resolved that it is time for them to settle down.

But the ones we refer to as “good girls” are the ones we find get their hearts broken so many times they are an emotionally wreck.  The guys they assume are honest and god-fearing because they meet them in the church turn out to be wolves in sheep clothing. 

A close friend of mine encouraged me to watch the Tyler Perry movie “Temptations” and after I did, my mind was jumbled in an emotional roller coaster for days. The movie is about Judith, a young naive 20 something year old married woman who was brought up in a churchy environment and who married her high school sweetheart straight out of high school. But when they move to the big city she gets seduced by the promise of grandeur and the immense sexuality of a young handsome billionaire, Harley. He got her to leave her loving husband and take up house with him. And at the end he got her addicted to heroin, infected with HIV and very nearly destroyed her life. 

So I got to thinking after watching the movie that Judith was a “decent” enough girl, but still, fate dished out a cruel meal to her. And i began to explore the thought of how much benefit having a bit of a worldly life could be in the long run. I began to figure out that living a prudish and unexposed life isn’t exactly advantageous as we are prone to think. I imagined that if Judith had seen the world before being strapped into the marriage ties she wouldn’t have been so naïve when Harley had tried to seduce her. She would have known how to reject the temptation and put him down. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not propagating that a young woman should “test the waters” before she marries, I am only positing that she opens up her worldview and learn from other peoples experiences so she doesn’t fall into such “temptations”.  

One thing I can say with some authority is this, that in all things… “Be true to yourself and to watch and pray”

PARADIGM SHIFT

Disclaimer

Any resemblance of characters in my blog to real life, whether of persons, objects, or circumstances are purely coincidental. Also, try as much as you can not to use contents of this blog to judge my persona, well its not like i care anyway. For the sake of your psychological health, take everything on face value. This is because alot of crazy things may be spewed here that can turn even the most stoic into locos and may even depress some -__- . You should just enjoy the read and you could even pick up a few things that will help. *that being detrimental to you ofcourse*. The lot of sane things here will most likely to have been written by Jemimah. However, any inhibition you may have as regards the use of profanity in this blog is purely the fault of Nikky. She is my co-blogger and as others may well know "my alter-ego". Therefore any and all complaints should be forwarded to her desk. And to tell you the truth, she usually doesn't give a hoot. So you might like to do yourself a favour and ignore anything that may offend you.



On my usual morning musings, I put up this status on my social media status “A bitter woman says -all men are the same… a wise woman decides to stop choosing the same type of man”. And as usual I got an inflow of comments and questions.

 

Some women thought I was being anti-women and was inadvertently siding with the men folk. Where they ferreted out that idea beats me. But then it struck me, they were only looking at the surface meaning of the words without reading in between the lines. They obviously felt that I referred to all women in general as “bitter” because to a large extent, every woman has at one stage or the other in her life believed that “all men were the same”. This may be based on their past heart breaking experiences or the experiences of those close to them. 

It is true that we women do not understand men most times and because we cannot predict their behaviours, sometimes they do some hurtful things to us that we swear never to forget. And when a woman has had a chain of men who do these same things to her over and over again, it seems almost natural to blacklist all men as being cut from the same cloth.

What we fail to see is that how come other women out there are meeting loving men who sweep them off their feet and treat them with the greatest and utmost of respect and affection? Where did those men come from? Outer space?

To a large extent, we are the architects of our destiny. The things we do or say, the ties we make, the promises we utter, the bile in our hearts are responsible for making or marring us in future.

A large number of girls when asked to say their preferred spec in a man will tell you “he should be tall, dark/light skinned, handsome, rich”. This opinion largely influenced by the romantic soppy materials they we read or watch. Only a little percentage of girls will differ. 

Can’t we see the irony in all this? If every girl wants the same thing as you do, don’t you think that will automatically narrow your chances of meeting the right man for you? 

Don’t get me wrong, there probably are some decent tall, dark and handsome guys out there, but do you think they are enough to go round? Why aren’t we more concerned about his spirituality, his kind heart? What we are short of seeing is that this select few guys who meet this criteria know the clamour after them so they tend to be arrogant, vain and downright disrespectful. And yes, they can afford to be so because they believe there is a pool of girls they could “choose” from. 

So if you’re a girl who serially dates only these type of guys, it is almost predictable that their arrogance and disrespect will eat at you and leave you heartbroken. And when you’ve gone through the motion one too many times you become scarred and are prone to opine that “All men are the same”.

In my opinion, if your series of “acceptable” choices haven’t worked out for you in the past, why don’t you consider another option? Say for instance, why not give a short guy the chance to shower you with all the love he has in his heart?

Before y’all criticize me for being two-faced, I will totally give you thumbs up if you choose to stick it out till the one who meets all your physical requirements comes along. But I hope that when he does surface, you aren’t so bitter that you wouldn’t even recognize him nor give him a chance. 

So, If Misters preferred spec/features haven’t worked for you before, "biko" consider other options. 
 Most importantly, be happy. You owe it to yourself.