ARE WE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHO WE ATTRACT?

Many times I read and/or hear people say/imply “we are responsible for the kinds of people we attract to ourselves” and for a while I think I believed them. But I am beginning to question the logic behind that. Are we therefore saying that fate, the elements, circumstances and then sometimes personal choices play no part in determining the type of people that seek interest in our lives?

I noticed that people are quick to judge a young girl who dares to dress “all out” complete with heavy make-up, thigh length clothes and artificial eyelashes. We call her a slut and go ahead to opine that she would only meet guys who want to have their way with her and then dump her. In fact, we begin to make the girl think that what she thinks makes her happy may yet be her bane. Don’t we think we are being a bit rash and basing all our judgments on physical outlook? Forgetting that she may just be a young girl seeking an expression of her youthfulness? 

We often are so prudish that we assume that any guy with tattoos and a “worldly” look is most likely irresponsible, and is only out for a quick *wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am* lay. 

So also do we say that a girl who dresses more conservatively is a “good” girl and will definitely meet a sweet nice guy who will sweep her off her feet and take her to the altar. 

Girls begin to feel that if there is a line of tailored suit guys seeking their affection, it means they are responsible and so are attracting “the right” kind of guys. And if on the other hand, they have had a couple of hopeless flirts seek them out, they begin to feel that they probably have a problem and  may be putting out a bad aura that attracts such guys to them. Forgetting that extroversion does not translate to making them a prey to flirts and as such there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.  

But experiences have shown me that the seemingly “bad” girls who make it clear that they do not care if society thinks of them as “baddos” are the ones who usually have it all. – The youthful exuberance, the fun, the great guy, the great wedding and the great family.

 It may not mean that being bad is good, but i think in the course of being “bad” they learn to distinguish between a good man and a pretentious man. They learn to sieve through facades until they uncover the right man for them and not just swallow everything hook-line-sinker. Most importantly, they have seen it all, so when they choose to marry, they are doing so because they have resolved that it is time for them to settle down.

But the ones we refer to as “good girls” are the ones we find get their hearts broken so many times they are an emotionally wreck.  The guys they assume are honest and god-fearing because they meet them in the church turn out to be wolves in sheep clothing. 

A close friend of mine encouraged me to watch the Tyler Perry movie “Temptations” and after I did, my mind was jumbled in an emotional roller coaster for days. The movie is about Judith, a young naive 20 something year old married woman who was brought up in a churchy environment and who married her high school sweetheart straight out of high school. But when they move to the big city she gets seduced by the promise of grandeur and the immense sexuality of a young handsome billionaire, Harley. He got her to leave her loving husband and take up house with him. And at the end he got her addicted to heroin, infected with HIV and very nearly destroyed her life. 

So I got to thinking after watching the movie that Judith was a “decent” enough girl, but still, fate dished out a cruel meal to her. And i began to explore the thought of how much benefit having a bit of a worldly life could be in the long run. I began to figure out that living a prudish and unexposed life isn’t exactly advantageous as we are prone to think. I imagined that if Judith had seen the world before being strapped into the marriage ties she wouldn’t have been so naïve when Harley had tried to seduce her. She would have known how to reject the temptation and put him down. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not propagating that a young woman should “test the waters” before she marries, I am only positing that she opens up her worldview and learn from other peoples experiences so she doesn’t fall into such “temptations”.  

One thing I can say with some authority is this, that in all things… “Be true to yourself and to watch and pray”