THE BOY IS MINE… This matter with love triangles

Over a decade ago, I was a raving fan of Brandy Norwood. And after watching the 1999 movie “Double Platinum” where she acted alongside Diana Ross, my obsession grew beyond bounds. I memorized all the tracks featured in the movie and I could sing it back-to-back off the top of my head. I would even braid my hair in double tresses like Brandy did hers in the movie and I would sing along through all the tracks with so much gusto. 

Anyway, of late though, it is this track she did with Monica “The Boy Is Mine”, released in ’98 that’s been constantly playing in my head. The song inspired my writing of this article with its lyrics:

Monica…

Must you do the things you do/You keep on acting like a fool/You need to know it’s me not you/And if you didn’t know/It’s cause it’s true/

Brandy…

I think that you should realize/And try to understand why/He is a part of my life/I know it’s killing you inside/

This brings so much to mind when I consider today’s dating scene. I read in many articles where “relationship” writers tell us to not mind having to share a lover. With their mantra as “It is better to try it and find that it doesn’t work, than to never have risked it”. They opine that it is okay to date a guy/girl who has another girl/boyfriend so far as they aren’t married to them yet. Because he/she just might like you more than they do the other one and then leave him/her for you. And many of us believe it as a smart advice. And we go ahead and do as they say.

However, what they fail to tell us is how hurtful it could be when he/she refuses to break up with the other one for you. Then you are either stuck in the triangle, hating the other person who has his/her attention or you find the strength to walk-away from it.

I was having a curious conversation with a friend of mine who visited me a month ago. She was lamenting about how she cannot ever remember having had any particular boyfriend who was hers alone. Or at least, one who made her feel she was the only one he was romantically involved with. In her words “I mean it Jay, I have always had to share every guy I dated with other girlfriend(s) of his. And honestly, it is becoming very annoying”. 

This scenario isn’t unique to her alone. Many of us have had to “share” with another girl, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Even the boy’s family members and close friends will know you aren’t his main chick yet will be calling you “Our Wife” every time you go visiting.

Speaking from a girl’s perspective, I am sure many girls will agree that sometimes we are forced to play detective to find out if he is seeing another girl. We prowl the guy’s Facebook page, check his Blackberry display pictures to see if he will upload another girl’s picture. These days with so many online chat avenues, we stalk him across WhatsApp, 2go, Badoo, Twitter. In fact, even on LinkedIn!

These days many girls have resigned to fate. All they are asking of a guy now is for him to be forthright with them from the beginning. If he is seriously involved with another woman all they are asking is that he lets them know. And if he is honest and they like him, they can date him also not minding that there is a real madam somewhere else. 

In my opinion, that’s why today, we have more people being single because they have been hurt rather than from never putting themselves out there at all.  This then brings me to the question; Girls, would you prefer being second fiddle to someone because you really like that person or would you rather sit on your hands until you find that someone who you believe is committed to you alone?

Guys, would you be fine with sharing your woman with another guy? 

The answer is all up to you as an individual…and as I always say, “Be Happy, you owe it to yourself”.

Something to ponder on…